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5 Red Flags You're in an Abusive Relationship

Does this look like your relationship?

By Savana VerretPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Most of the time, people don't notice the signs of abuse in their relationship. Or, they see it, but are in denial about it and they need some kind of wake-up call. If you're suspicious, or feel like you need that call, these points could help you determine whether or not you're in a partnership you need to get out of.

1.) Hitting, Man-handling, Shoving, etc.

I know to some people, this is too obvious. But, unfortunately, others don't see it the same way—my sister, for example. Her boyfriend literally pushed her down a flight of stairs, but she defended him, saying it was an accident. If your partner is putting their hands on you in a way that isn't loving or soothing, it's abuse. No one should ever feel unsafe in the presence of their lover, regardless of gender or sexuality. There is no excuse for injuring the person you supposedly love.

2.) Degrading Comments

If your significant other is constantly criticizing the way you look or the way you do things, it's not okay. If you receive comments such as, "You need to lose weight," "Wear some makeup, you need it," or any other remark that hurts your feelings and they deliberately did it, it's abuse. Your partner is supposed to lift you up and make you feel like the best version of yourself you can be. They're also supposed to love you no matter what you look like, or act. It's alright if they say something out of worry for your safety or health, but not in a hurtful way.

3.) Gaslighting

The definition of gaslighting is to manipulate someone into questioning their own sanity. For instance, if you know for a fact your partner is cheating on you (you have proof and everything) and they deny it and tell you that you're going crazy and that you're cheating instead, that's gaslighting. You can also find other warning signs here.

As a victim of gaslighting, I can confirm that as odd as it seems, it's very real. And, at the time, I didn't understand what was happening or that there was even a name for it, like many others out there. It's one of the most common emotional tactics abusers use since it makes getting the upper hand a lot easier.

4.) Ostentatious Apologies

Let's say your lover physically hurts you, then comes back a while later pouring their heart out and brings you gifts and such to "make up" for what they did. This is a strategy used to ensure that no matter how badly they mess up, you'll always still be there since they "made it up." Sometimes, an apology with gifts is truly heartfelt, and they mean it. However, this does not include something that outright harms you such as physical abuse. It's important to know the difference between what's forgivable and what's not.

5.) No matter how much you give them, they never reciprocate even half of what you've given.

I know you love this person, and you want to give them the whole world. But, if you're actively going out of your way to give them gifts, love, etc., and they don't even say "thank you," then that's blatantly mistreating you. Nothing you can give them is ever going to be enough, because as harsh as it is, they don't care. It doesn't matter what you give or do for them, it will never amount to anything for them. All they want to see is you suffer. And you're better than that.

From one victim to another, please heed these tips. If this seems like your relationship, reach out. Family, friends, teachers, authorities... anyone. None of this is your fault, regardless what anyone has to say. Your life is so much more important than someone who doesn't even truly love you; they just love having power over someone. They love having a puppet on strings to use to their advantage. More people die each year of physical and psychological abuse than you think. You are much more than giving them the satisfaction of continuing to use you, and maybe one day, killing you or causing you to take your life. I am a survivor, and I will tell you up front: there is better out there. And you are worth that something better. All you have to do is reach out, get to safety, and take baby steps.

Good luck.

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About the Creator

Savana Verret

Just a small town girl trying to refine her writing. If you like something I post, feel free to tip me! It would really help motivate me to keep writing.

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