Bible Boy

Some years back a church friend set me up with her cousin, Baden. She told me he was a nice, Christian guy, single, cute, just hadn’t met the right girl yet. I agreed to go out with him, didn’t seem like a bad idea. I told him up front that I would go out with him but I was just getting over being in love with someone and not expect anything to move too fast. He acknowledged that and we scheduled a time and place. A few days later, we met one evening at our local mall. First impressions: Baden did seem like a nice guy and was attractive. We walked a ways throughout the mall to grab some food at Chick-Fil-A. Conversation started out alright until he started making jokes and telling me sexual stories, talking loudly about it at the dinner table. It was even worse that a mother and her young son were in the booth behind us, she (the mother) noticed his loud talking but it didn’t seem to bother Baden that there was a KID nearby. I cringed, I tried to hurry up and get him to finish to we could get out of the restaurant. But things continued to go downhill from there. He complimented me, told me that personality didn’t matter to him, only that a girl had to have a beautiful face. He was very obsessed with that notion and told me more than once. Walking around the mall, he put his arm around me, which at first I let him, but after awhile it got to be too much. He told me about being a Christian, waiting until marriage for sex, wanting to get out of his parents house, wanting to find a girl soon to get married to. Everything about his plans were rush rush rush!! As our evening was ending we walked outside to our cars to part ways. But he wasn’t ready to leave. We talked at his car for a bit then he pulled me down to where I was half sitting on his legs as he continued conversation. An SUV full of kids went by and I hear “Ooohh” coming out the window. I was uncomfortable anyway with him persuading me to rest on him in that position, but hearing that and how it must’ve “looked” I knew I had allowed him too much. I was naïve, inexperienced, not ready for anything serious and he played on that, took advantage of my being nice. He had certainly “forgot” about me asking him to take things slow! I told him I had to leave and he kept asking to kiss me, I told him no, I wasn’t ready for that. Then he hugged me, pulled me towards him and laid his head on my chest. Made a joke about my breasts being pillows…what a creep! He ended up kissing my forehead because I kept telling him no to a “real” kiss. A text message from my sister gave me the out to break away from him but Baden told me he wanted to know how I felt about him and needed me to give him an answer soon if I wanted to get more serious with him. At that moment, I was just glad to get away, what a terrible evening! He called the next day wanting to talk and got frustrated that I couldn’t give him an answer as to if I had made up my mind about being a couple. We had plans to hang out again (yes, I was still the naïve, too nice person then) but he cancelled on me when I couldn’t give him an answer. Inside I was relieved because I didn’t have to deal with him anymore. Or so I thought…three weeks later he randomly called me and I ignored him. Instead, I wrote a letter and gave it to his cousin to give to him. I was DONE with Baden!!!

“Baden,

I have to be up front with you and honest. I didn’t expect for you to call me back and after you had cancelled on me three weeks ago for us meeting again. But you did and I am wondering why. If you wanted to get to know me, then why did you cancel on me and wait until now to try and do that?

Initially, I enjoyed meeting you and you seem like a nice, sweet guy. But I didn’t expect you to be so forward with me. I didn’t think it was right of you to persistently keep trying to kiss me when I told you I didn’t want to be kissed yet. It’s one thing to hug someone and I don’t mind that. I understand that you are an affectionate person, and I am as well, but after a while I got uncomfortable with your hands all over me. It was too much too soon. And the whole thing of touching my breasts or laying your head on them is unacceptable. I explained to you that I was trying to get over from being in love, and that it had been going on for six years. I don’t know about you, but that takes a while for me, and it will still take a while to let go of those feelings. I’m not ready to be kissed or touched in that way. I’m not your girlfriend and I felt like you were treating me like I was when we were at the mall. We had just met and you were moving way too fast for me. I feel like you were taking advantage of the fact that I had never had a boyfriend and you thought that you could break me in to what it’s like to have one. You hugging on me and touching me would not make me fall in love with you in one night. I know you want to be married soon and get out of your parents’ house, but you cannot rush a relationship. I’m definitely not ready for marriage or for kids, someday, but NOT now. With you telling me that numerous times it makes me feel like you’re pressuring me to hurry and get into a serious relationship with you. The sexual talk was a little too much. It would be different if we had known each other for longer than a few hours and I know that everyone talks about it and can joke about it. But it was extremely too quickly then and definitely not the right time for it.

I’m unsure of the way I feel about you, because of your actions when we were together. I want to be friends with you but that’s it.”

Knowing quite well he wouldn’t want anything to do with me if we were “just friends” I was still being “too nice.” But he was out of my life now, for good. Or so I thought…ever heard the term “Recycled Guys”?? If not, maybe it’s because I made it up! A few years later Baden found me on an online dating site and started talking to me as if he’d never met me. Giving me the SAME lines from years ago, “I’m a Christian, looking for a good girl,” “Oh you have a pretty face, that’s all that matters to me.” He laughed when I answered his own questions and I told him I knew him and we had met before. But he completely denied ever meeting me. When I wouldn’t give him another chance he started throwing out the “If YOU were a Christian you should forgive me” and “You’ll never find anyone because you’re too picky, you’re looking for perfection!” I stood my ground with him and was certainly “less nice” than before. Since he was a “Christian” he never cussed at me, but called me a “witch” in his ranting and raving because I told him “no.” However, a few months later he messaged me 2-3 more times, each time denying that we had spoken before. I was beginning to think he either had a legit mental problem that made him forget, he was talking to so many girls that he really couldn’t remember who he had talked to (or who had turned him down) or he was using that “I don’t remember” line as an excuse to be a total jerk, talk to a female anyway he wanted and then later try to “hit ‘em up” again to see if he could get anywhere with them. After blocking his profile (again, he had made a new one after the first online interaction) I was done with him!!! #MyWorstDate