Humans logo

Don't Fall in Love With the Illusion!

You have standards. When dating, there are a lot of things that could happen and guys you could meet—he may be a jerk, disrespectful, a freeloader, etc. This is my advice to you: don't fall in love with what he's not.

By Kiersten FrazePublished 6 years ago 4 min read
Like

It's been quite a while since I have dated—about two years, in fact. In my experience, dating men who are immature is hard. And it's even harder when you have people down your throat supporting your (poor) decision.

"Oh, when will you two be getting married?"

"You guys are so cute together!"

"You seem so happy!"

Don't let their outside words fool you—only you know what's going on in your relationship. They may mean well, but their words can be destructive if you hold onto them.

The boy I last dated was about a year and a half older than me, and I could have sworn, now that I'm looking back on it, that he was just a simple waste of my time. But back then, I held onto him. Those stranger's words meant that there was a chance–a chance for him to be the perfect guy; to sweep me off of my feet.

But he wasn't.

I wasn't in love with him.

I was in love with the illusion of the potential he had to be amazing.

He would never invite me over to any of his get-togethers, but I would somehow get there anyway. He had just forgotten, right? I had convinced myself that he was a forgetful person just to save my own heartbreak. I was in love with the illusion of him.

He would emotionally avoid me, and when I attempted to talk about our relationship problems, he shut me down immediately. He was just having a bad day. He would never treat me so poorly, right? I was in love with the illusion of what I presumed were his good intentions.

He always used excuses to get out of seeing me, even though he would make me linger onto his sweet words the next moment. He wasn't manipulating me, he was just feeling tired that day. He said that he loves me, so he does, doesn't he? I was in love with the illusion of his words.

I found myself talking to my friends and telling them all of the "good" things that had happened, effectively exaggerating the importance of his actions and ignoring his previous wrong-doings. I would avidly avoid even thinking badly of him, knowing that would make me a bad partner.

I poured out my heart to what I thought was him, but in reality, I was wasting my time, energy, and love that he never proved that he deserved.

Now that you've heard about my sob story, I'm sure you're wondering, "How do I know that I'm falling in love with something he's not?" Well, I'll tell you a few ways as to how you can avoid this predicament:

Stay Alert

All too often do we see the "infatuated" couple walking down the street. Nine times out of ten, one of them is not as "in love" as the other. This is automatically a problem, as the one will find the other too clingy, and vice versa, the other will find their partner to be too unresponsive.

Pay attention to the guy that you're with or talking to—is he giving you his attention when you ask for it? Is he giving you encouraging compliments, or do you feel that you need to fish for some? Is he treating you the way that you want to be treated, or are you settling for less?

Evaluate Your Relationship Openly

You should be able to talk to your partner about your concerns in the relationship and what you wish he could do better. If he shuts you down immediately, then there's a legitimate problem. Talking should always be a way to openly communicate with your man, and if he's not willing to compromise and negotiate positions that may not be too comfortable for him (or vice-versa), then you need to drop him.

Listen to Others

When a family member or close friend approaches you and says, "You're not as happy as you used to be," that should be an automatic red flag for you. Listen to the people around you that you trust —they aren't going to lie to you just for the fun of it, they're trying to make you aware of the change that they have seen in you.

This was a crucial step that I didn't abide by, and it caused the relationships that I had to rip apart. I was always so emotionally strained every day, and when my family and friends would mention something about him in what I thought to be in a bad way, I would pounce on them and defend him. Cause that's what a good girlfriend does, right? She defends her man.

But my man didn't deserve the love and respect that I gave him. Everything he always said was a lie, even if it seemed like he didn't mean to. I let him fool me, and I hope that you don't fall for it too.

dating
Like

About the Creator

Kiersten Fraze

I love to sing, act, and of course, write!

Check out my other writing site if you like what I do!:

www.quotev.com/kierio12

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.