Failing Marriages

Some marriages today are not lasting as long as the vows people take when getting married. The last sentence in the vows is till death do we part. A piece of paper does not keep the marriage together. It takes a lot of work. For some people, they give up when things get tough instead of sticking it out.

You might wonder, if I am capable of talking about marriage. Yes I can. I was married before. Did it last, no it didn't. A day after being married, I was abused. I was physically abused and verbally abused. When he hit me the first time, I forgave him. I tried to make it work. He verbally abused me. Once again I tried to make it work. When he was controlling me, I tried. One of the problems we had was communication. We never talked. For me it was hard talking to him because, mentally he was not there. All this occurred after being diagnosed with MS. No excuse. Had we communicated, we could have probably gotten through it, but we couldn't. He is deceased now.

That's what's wrong with marriages today. Nobody is talking to each other. Instead they scream at each other. Nobody can hear when both are screaming. If people took time to listen, problems can be solved. Another reason why there are problems in the marriage is because of trust. That's like the second biggest issue. There's two ways to look at this. One way is the courting stage. If the person cheated on you while courting, your trust is gone. That person has to regain your trust. If you can't, you can walk away and be done. Marriage is different. If a spouse commits adultery, the trust is gone. You see yourself sleeping in another room or on the couch until you can regain the trust. This is one of the biggest things to do, trying to regain trust in your spouse.

When my deceased husband abused me, the love was gone. When he cheated on me, the trust was gone. Never did he try to regain it, but it wouldn't have mattered to me because in my heart, I didn't want him anymore after the abuse. This is why divorce is on the rise, because people are tired of working the problems in the marriage out, especially when cheating and adultery is involved. Some men may not care, but women do. Women are willing to try and work things out, but men aren't.

In the marriage, the man is the head and he is to make sure things are going in a positive direction. First and foremost they should be a man of God. A man after God's heart. Women are the help meet. They are to help their husband. Do they have a say, yes they do but, if the husband does not agree, then he will make the decision. Man is suppose to provide for his family. If he's disabled, then his disability checks is his income.

Another reason why marriage become messed up is because it becomes one sided. What do I mean? The husband or the wife starts to think everything in the marriage is all about them and not both. It's about both, not just one. In order to keep the marriage going, is finding out what works for both persons, then sticking to it. Both parties have their own work to do in keeping the marriage together.

You might ask if your marriage didn't work, how do you know all of this? For one I watched my grandparents. They were married till death. I saw the fun side of them and I saw arguments because it was done in front of me. They reminded me of the honeymooners. They loved each other. Now there were other marriages I saw that made me think hard about getting married again, but I know I can't think like that. I don't want to divorce if I marry again. To me, there is a problem when a person marries over and over again and still not see what is wrong with them. It's not always the spouse. People aren't taking the time to look at themselves, but want to blame the spouse. Then all that stuff in the last marriage is brought into the new one.

For us Christians, if we divorce, we are not to marry unless our spouse passes away. I'm an example. My spouse passed away, so I'm free to marry. Not all Christians follow that.

All in all, we all need to do better with marriage, and lower the divorce rate. It's too high.