Life-changing Decisions

Life works in mysterious ways, I say to myself, as I’m looking out my window. I’m on a plane to another state, in another part of the country. I never expected to just up and leave my home of Los Angeles, my birth place. I never expected to move in with the love of my life, my boyfriend of five years, whom I’ve known since eighth grade. It’s weird to think that when I was a young girl, I didn’t ever think I was going to be in a relationship with anyone, let alone for this long. I always thought I was going to be a writer, or in the entertainment industry, living alone with my cats and my books. Well, apparently the universe had different plans, because in eighth grade when I first saw my BF, my whole world stopped. Literally. And I had no idea what the hell was going on! My heart stopped beating at a mile a minute, mouth was dryer than the palm desert, and I felt...a warm, deep feeling. I was definitely confused, but I could sense that we were found to be in each other’s life some way or another. We’ve been through a lot together, from a heartbreaking betrayal in freshman year, to not talking to each other for months, to rekindling our friendships, to me having my first GF, which ended badly. I lost a good friend in the process. High school was already rough as it is with homework, friends, my depression, and family life. I almost gave up on him, and I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I not pretty enough, good enough? Did his family not like me? He was my first serious boyfriend, and I was a very shy and self-conscious young lady. Finally, at the beginning of our junior year, he realized the girl he was with at the time wasn’t for him...it was me. So, in February of 2012, two days after my birthday, we were back together. And it’s been like that since.

True, there have been some ups and downs. He started working out of state with his grandparents to try trade work for a couple of months. I wanted to be with him, but he wasn’t gone for that long and always came back. Then he started talking about becoming a journeyman...out in the Midwest to the South. I was at home, trying to work a minimum wage job, live at home, and still manage to text/have phone calls with him. We did the long-distance relationship thing for a long time. It wasn’t pleasant. I was miserable, and so was he. I’m a very emotional person to begin with, being an empath. Add in being in a deep depression and suicidal thoughts? A huge mess. Not being able to be with the person you love and are so close with is unbearable. He has been gone since May. I visited him twice, once on the Fourth of July and another time during Labor Day.

November rolls around, and I really want to spend Thanksgiving with him and his grandparents for the first time. I was waiting to get my check from the new job I got so I could help buy my plane ticket. X (my BF) had just bought a trailer to live in. I was so proud and happy that he finally had his own place to stay. I was excited for him and my future visits since we could finally lay together in our own space.

He texted me as we were talking about it, and he said, “I need my woman here.” Hearing those words just about killed me. I wanted to be with him so much sooner, but we were pushing for January or February so I could save up more money. Well...that didn’t happen. After a series of fights, crying, and exasperation, he finally called me and said he wants me to come be with him. That we could buy a one-way plane ticket, and we could finally be together...

So now, here we are. It’s December, one month before the new year. I have made the biggest decision of my life: I moved in with my BF. So far it's been...amazing. I feel whole and I can feel that everything is going to be OK. Now I can focus on my art, my YouTube channel, and my writing. I can finally start my life with my man.

Fairytale ending? My story has only just started.