My Relationship With a Psychopath

Dating a psychopath is a very difficult experience to explain.

When our relationship began, it felt like he had swept me off my feet. I was so happy to be with him. He wanted to know everything about me, he actually cared about my story. What I didn't realise until it was too late is that he hardly ever told me anything about him. I mean, I didn't even find out his real name until the relationship was basically over.

In the beginning, he seemed perfect. He was caring, he listened, and he was so attentive. By the end; he was aggressive, mentally and physically abusive, and so manipulative.

On our first date, he asked me endless questions about myself. He was charming and handsome, and he never broke eye contact with me.

Over time he 'trained' me to meet his way of thinking. Slowly, my thoughts became more aligned with his. Things that I would have been dead set against before suddenly seemed okay because I was with him, and he's always right, no?

I started to think that it was normal in a relationship to cut off all contact with friends and loved ones. I fell out of contact with my family, I deleted contact details for so many friends — mostly male friends, he said he couldn't trust me if I had male friends. The only person I needed was him.

It was okay for him to go out with his friends but I must stay at home, because he said I was untrustworthy, so I didn't deserve to be out with my friends having fun.

It was around this time when I realised he had a violent side. He was pretty open about his desires to emotionally hurt people. I was terrified, but he swore he would never do this to me and for some reason, I believed him. I didn't realise that he had been doing this to me since the beginning.

I spent months of my life only speaking to him. I was afraid to even talk to a store clerk, or look at anybody but him out of fear of repercussions.

Weeks passed by, and then months. I tried to think back to the person that I was when our relationship began. I was strong. I was confident. I was independent, and I needed to become those things again. So I tried to end the relationship. I tried to get my life back. He cried and told me that he would change and that it would get better.

I stayed.

We travelled together, we spent even more time together. We argued frequently. He said it was all my fault, of course. He hit me. He said that was my fault too. I even apologised because I thought that he was right.

After this, I didn't know how to be. I became a ghost of a person, being conscious enough to eat but not conscious enough to smile or enjoy anything about life. I became quite depressed.

One day, something changed inside me, and I knew that I had to get out. And I did. And I will never go back.

My relationship with a psychopath changed me. It took my personality, my friends, and my family. I may never fully trust another person again.

But I broke free. I have my life back. He can never hurt me again.