New England & New Mexico Clash

There are always going to be differences between individuals in relationships — in any kind of relationship to be frank. However, in a romantic relationship, these difference can sometimes become more obvious. This is especially true if you and your partner met in an area where their culture is very prominent. My husband was from New Hampshire and lived in New England for most of his life. I, on the other hand, am from New Mexico and I've lived in the South West for most of my life. He moved to little old City of Crosses to attend college and he found that he enjoyed the Hispanic and Mexican culture. As we have gone to visit his hometown and our country's original thirteen colonies we both have noticed intriguing differences in gender roles from New England and the South West. At times these differences have halted our communication and at other times it's allowed us to lead the conversations or situations to our benefits. Regardless of where people are from, love is love and it can last. My cousin is from Austin, TX and this love of his life is from Norway! And my husband's best friend is from New York, and her boyfriend is from California. Love is always possible! Here are some gender roles we've noticed between our two cultures. And keep in mind these observations are not always true for everyone in the South West or in New England.

Love is still always love, no matter who it's with or where it's found

"Keeping the house" is heavily expected of women in New England. Seriously, the first time I went to New Hampshire it was the strangest thing I had ever encountered. Women had a job, the same as men did Some women even had part-time jobs. Even if they didn't have jobs, they were still expected to keep the house. As in clean, cook three meals a day, go grocery shopping, raise the children, maintain the garden, etc.. Whereas, for men, they are expected to mow the lawn, hold a full-time job with great benefits, be the breadwinner, maintain the house repairs (or call a repairman). Domestic household tasks were designated to women, and generally, everything else was designated to men.

Women in New Mexico are regarded with the highest respect. The type of respect is different depending on your roles. Whether you are a wife, a daughter, or a mother, Hispanic and Mexican women are regarded with deep respect. The reason for that is explained below but it is highly enforced in this culture by both men and women. I'm not saying that women in New England are not regarded with respect, but respect in New England is something that is earned dependant on roles and social class, especially for women. New England women may not be given the same amount of respect as their counterpart especially if don't follow their social roles.

The social class differences in New England can be a huge barrier to relationships. Again, seriously! We all know there are low, middle, and high classes but in New Mexico, this factor doesn't play much in families or when meeting potential partners. Performance of respect reigns here, but in New England, money is a centrality of their culture. Money defines success or failure and money also means your worth as a person either drops or rises. My husband says he comes from a low-class family, compared to me. He says I come from a middle-class family. Sometimes he'll point out subtle differences in the ways we spend money or in the ways we save it. It's something people seriously consider when dating each other, and something each other's families will judge each other by.

Matriarchs are a norm in Hispanic and Mexican households. As I had mentioned above, women are regarded with high respect. Even if the male (father/husband) in the household is a breadwinner, most Mexican and Hispanic families refer to the Mother and/or Wife as the head of the household. When my Grandma Nelie was alive, regardless of when my Grandfather was alive, she had the last word, led large family discussions, and she was always the one that people went to for guidance and love. This factor was specifically confusing to my husband when he tried to led our household when he didn't or did have a job. Yet he admired how my mother and I were given so much respect by my father and brother, especially when it came down to miscommunication or any family fights.

Love will always trump cultural differences between couples, no matter what they may practice together or separately. Never let those differences get between your love.