Perceptions of Love

Love can be perceived by one in many ways. Some prioritize it, others fear it. I believe that everybody has different experiences that affect how one may feel about love. As an owner of the infamous trait of overthinking, I myself have taken a lot of my own time over the years to really analyze this subject and all the emotions and thoughts involved. I, like many others, have loved and lost, and have gone through the whole process. I've learned over the years of growing up that a relationship between to beings can be a very powerful thing, and can involve a variety of emotions and events.

In high school I focused a lot on myself starting as a freshman. I was into playing football back then, and dedicated nearly all of my time into school and training. I wasn't really ever the good looking one out of most, so my love life had not really amounted to much at that time. As time came though, I began to experience relationships and what it was like to feel love. Guys around me always talked about the number of times they've made love, or how many girls they could persuade to reveal themselves to. I was never really one of those guys; I was the typical hopeless romantic, sensitive, shy, blue-eyed boy. I would fall so hard for some girls that my mind would think for hours on end at night time. I just played scenarios in my head of things I would love to tell that one girl, and how well I'd want to treat her and make her happy. I guess you could say I've always been one to be in my feels. Deep talks about life and how I feel about something or someone, or just being open about something that's going on in my life to someone just seems so comforting.

I always wanted love. I always wanted to have that one person I can just give my all to and treat them so preciously because I know how it feels to know someone genuinely cares and loves you. If I can bring happiness to someone else's life and make an impact on them then that means I mean something to them and I have a purpose. I spent so much time working on my social skills, like learning how to comfort or calm someone down in a rough situation. I never really took the time to figure out what I needed however. All I ever wanted to do was have someone by my side and make them as happy as I could and give them everything; but what about me?

I felt like I started to lose myself. When heartbreaks came and I was left with just myself I felt too alone, like I wasn't comfortable being on my own. I wasn't good enough for myself, that's why I worked so hard on the people around me. I had insecurities, doubts within myself, depression from things I've suffered and lost. I never gave myself any time of day, it was sort of like I left myself behind in life and focused on anything else. How could that be possible though? How can one actually forget to do much for themselves or try to make themselves happy? Or try to be positive and have love for yourself? It's a lot easier to say than do, but the importance of taking time to focus and work on yourself is often not noticed by people. I had faults and so did others, but I forgave everyone else before I learned to forgive myself. Love can be an amazing thing and can bring you many great things in life. However, you can't truly be in love or expect to have a successful love encounter when you have no love for yourself. Others will bring you down, and you'll start to believe what they say, but please know that everyone has a purpose in life. You are not what people say or think you are. You are what you choose to make of yourself, with the right mind and consistency.