Humans logo

Pieces of Paper

You

By Eva BeatricePublished 6 years ago 5 min read
Like

You sat next to me.

That's the first thing I remember when I think about how I got to slowly falling in love with you, but nothing actually started there. I began to look for you a long time back.

When I first saw you, I felt my heart skip a beat and a voice inside myself telling me to walk closer to you, and so I did, only to stop a few steps away because I realised I didn't have anything to say. I kept an eye on you the whole day, and I didn't really notice that because you were talking to your friends and I... well, I was talking to people. I didn't pay too much attention to anything at first, even when I started to see you daily, I knew I was looking for you constantly, but I never wondered why. I never asked myself what it was about you that made me want to see you all the time, and so I decided to let go of the thought of you and continue my life, and focus on other things that mattered more.

I honestly don't know why I thought that would work, because even though I wasn't really thinking about you, I would constantly look at you and ask others questions about you, because I never had the courage to ask you.

By this time, I already knew your name, and when I first heard it something lit up inside of me, as if something was telling me that yours wasn't just a regular name, although it was very common. I never thought of you and me being anything more that friends, and even that would've been a miracle, not because we were different, but because I never thought that I would have a reason to talk to you. I knew your friends, but I never thought of speaking to any of them until I saw you talking to them.

I would get closer to them and make jokes, trying to get more information about you, and then the day I've been waiting for arrived and I felt normal. Once again, I never thought about me and you being close. To be honest, I stopped myself from doing it every time. The first thing I said was a joke, and I saw a smile appear on your face, which made me feel more comfortable and somehow I managed to keep talking while I was sat at the table, next to you and two other girls; that was the first time I had sat next to you and all I could think about was to make you laugh.

For the first time I saw your eyes light up as you were laughing, trying not to make too much noise and in that moment I decided that I would try to make you laugh whenever I would get the chance, So that first hour of us sitting together was followed by laughter and sarcastic jokes, and I loved that about you, the fact that you could take sarcasm, because that was my way of showing connection and you didn't reject it.

After that day we didn't speak anymore. We made a little small talk, but even that consisted of jokes. I was slowly giving up on the idea of you. I even convinced myself that I was falling in love with someone, and it didn't take me too much to realise that what I was doing felt wrong.

You and I never really talked about anything. All we said to each other was either sarcastic or mean, and when I started calling you a name you seemed to hate, I realised I liked to annoy you a little too much.

I remember telling myself that I won't fall in love because it's stupid and probably not worth it, I said that I didn't need it, and a few days later it hit me: I might be falling for you. So, I really tried to ignore that thought and maybe distance myself even though we weren't even that close, which was even more strange because you can't fall in love with someone you barely know, can you?

I stopped spending time in the same room as you and I stopped talking to you friends, except one; my misfortune was that she was the same person you kept talking to, and you made her fall in love, too. There was something about you that made people want to get close to you, and she was doing it, she was succeeding, and instead of trying to do it too, I decided to get close to her, and I couldn't have made a worse decision.

I began to talk to everyone again as if nothing happened, keeping my eyes on you. It's like I couldn't control myself when I was around you, it's like I didn't want to. Then the unexpected happened after a long time.

You sat next to me.

It was surprising at first, but I brushed it off and continued with what I was doing, until you tried to make conversation and made me laugh again, starting to piss me off as you'd always do. I would smile and look at you, and slowly, with time, those glances became staring competitions that I would always win, because you would turn your head, not for a second realising that I was trying to let you in, hoping you'd do the same.

Days went by and we were the same, we weren't strangers; we weren't friends, but we weren't lovers. After some time, I started thinking what we were doing all the time was flirting, and I don't really know if I was right, because you never said anything about it, as if it was normal to you.

Now all I know is that I can't keep my mind off you and I don't know what to do, because you make everything so complicated but sometimes I like it that way because I'm not sure that I'd be able to have it any other way. I wish I had the strenght to tell you what I feel, I wish I could tell you all of this and I wish I could be brave enough to handle your response.

I don't have a plan; for the first time, I don't know what will come next. I have no idea what to do.

And I hope you'll sit next to me again.

love
Like

About the Creator

Eva Beatrice

Take a moment, take a breath. What do you see? What do you feel? Let go of your fears and step out. Mistakes happen, just let go. Breathe in, breathe out. Everything will be fine.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.