Rants of a Spouse Coping With a Pill Addict

I am the wife of a man that is addicted to pain meds and Xanax. I know there are many people out there that will relate to my story (rant). Often the focus is on the addict and what needs to be done to help them. Am I right? What about us? The people that have to or shall I say choose to deal with the lies, financial struggle, mood swings, etc.? They have drugs to cope with whatever it is that they are dealing with. We have nothing and sometimes no one to help.

Ten years, I have been dealing with it. Ten long years of lies, struggle, anger, frustration, tears, begging and pleading. I have a man that does not want to work. He will make phone call after phone call to find drugs, but will not put the same effort into finding a job. He will get in his car and waste gas, driving everywhere to find drugs, but will not drive around to put in applications. When I worked, he wanted to know how much my check was and expected me to give him money. For what? Pills! If I refused to give him the money, I would have to deal with his attitude towards me and the kids. He would keep asking for money all day until I'd finally cave in and give it to him, just to get him to shut up and leave me alone. If he goes one day without pills or at least weed, the children and I would have to deal with his wrath. He'd sleep all day and curse at us if we made the slightest noise.

He even has his family thinking that I am also a pill addict. They assume that if he is a pill addict, I must be one too. Which is far from the truth. I can no longer work, due to arthritis in both of my knees and ankles. I have been prescribed pain meds and Xanax for my anxiety, but I refuse to get them filled. It would be pointless to get my medication, because he would just take all of them. So, I deal with the pain in my legs. Still, knowing that I cannot work, he still won't get a job. Financial struggle... Can't buy school uniforms for the kids, school supplies, etc... He can see that we are struggling, but does nothing about it. The little bit of money that I do get every month goes towards rent and whatever is left over, he gives to the pill man. So, the pill man gets the money and spends it on his family. You may be asking why I give him the money. I already explained that. Plus, he would steal it anyway. I have run out of hiding places. Nothing is safe in my house. My money would disappear, my bank card, maybe even a t.v. or something like my 7 year old daughters Wii U that I struggled to buy her for her birthday. Anything worth money, goes to the pawn shop. So, when is it enough?

Do I leave him? He's an addict. It will not stop him from using. Do I stick with him and try to help him? Which hasn't worked so far. Let me remind you that we have a 7 year old little girl together, plus my 13 year old son. My daughter loves her daddy and all of his flaws. He can never do any wrong in her eyes, even when he's cursing her out. I didn't have my father when I was growing up. So, you can see why it's important for me to give her a two parent home. To be honest, I'm tired. I'm broken. I'm just plain broke. One good thing has came from this situation... I am now attending college to get my Bachelors degree in drug addiction counseling. Within four years, I will be able to help not just the addicts, but their families as well. I hope that this story (rant) reaches someone out there. You are not alone. I am with you...