Reality

Dear *****,

It was the first day back to school and I was starting my junior year. It was last period and I walked in recognizing everyone's face, but yours. You were new. You sat across the room and I was in the middle of the class. When I saw you I thought you were cute, but I wasn't planning on talking to you. Why waste my time on someone I can't get? We were two different people.

As the week went by, you sat next to me instead of in back. I pretended to not care about your presence and I didn't talk to you unless it was about the homework. I knew I would catch feelings once we started talking and I eventually did.

You called me your friend and I looked at you like you were stupid. I told you we weren't friends and when you got offended, I thought it was cute. Slowly we started to talk more and not just about what was happening in class.

You would jokingly call me your girlfriend whenever we were in class or walking in the hallways. Around homecoming you told people out of nowhere I was your date, but I knew you weren't serious. That kind of put me in awkward situations because I didn't know if I was supposed to play along or stay quiet. Instead I would just look at you and smile sarcastically.

I knew you were a player when you consistently bragged about how girls were all over you. It was kind of a turn off, but I didn't hate you for it. Who can blame them? I mean look at you.

One thing you always did that made me more attracted to you in a weird way was when you'd tug on my leggings. That led to squeezing my thigh and tickling me in class.

I got curious to why you would always pull my legging and when I asked you, you weren't straight forward. Instead you make it look like I wasn't the only girl you did that to, as if I cared.

"I pull on everyone's leggings, not just yours.''

You said it in a cocky way so I gave you that same look I gave you when you said we were friends and I told you we weren't.

Later in our friendship I actually started letting you go on my phone. Sounds dumb, but I never let anyone on it. You wen't through my music and when you saw a song you knew, I was surprised. It was a band called Vallis Alps. I had never met someone who listened to them and neither did you. That whole people we bother plugged in out own headphones and played songs for each other. You had told me no one knew about your music taste and only I did. You said you listened R&B and hip hop stuff just for show. I told him there was nothing wrong with having a unique music taste, but he told me to keep quiet even though I wasn't going to "expose" his taste in music. Sounds ridiculous, I know.

I knew we grew closer when you started telling me about your ex's. Sadly, it also showed me a bad side of you. You were a straight player. The one story of your ex that you told me about that made me think you were a legitimate asshole was when you said you fucked a girl and then broke up with her the next day. Then you told me about your current bed buddy. When you told me you had a friends with benefits, I didn't react badly, on the outside. On the inside, I was broke. I felt led on in a way, but I didn't let that effect out friendship. Because that's all we were, just friends.

I then started falling for the little things. Like when you would show me a new song you found, you falling asleep on my arm, the time you and I ditched last period and went out for milkshakes, just little things.

Sometimes I think I have a chance. I look at you and my heart starts racing. But the girls you date and sleep with compared to me, make me look pathetic. Can't believe I fell for you.