Reflections on a Toxic Relationship

Normally it's always the same feeling after putting so much work into something that ends badly. In this case we are talking about a relationship. Two individuals who consciously make the decision to fall in together. It is in this race for a higher state of feeling that we might sometimes miss the signs given off by our potential partners.

These red flags are almost always missed by ourselves and usually they are the "make it, or break it" ingredients to the formula which we are trying so hard to complete.

In the beginning, you might feel elevated and like nothing could go wrong. Like the entire world is on the outside of this impervious bubble that you and your partner have created for yourself, when in fact, it's quite the opposite. These beginning "stages" are where the most turbulence can down your two-seat plane faster than you can even think. It's always important to have some safety net to help catch you for the potential fall. It's in this aspect that a lot of people don't even take the time.

You see, this is exactly what happened to me. I met someone who I thought was an intelligent, honest and confident individual. Someone who could express themselves in the way that I was compatible with. She soon moved away and it was only a few months until we started really talking to each other, over Social Media no less. In retrospect I could see where I might've gone wrong, however, I was blinded by the person she had made up. The illusion which she'd placed for herself and onto me. Normally I'm somewhat wary due to my own misfortunes and failed relationships, but it almost seemed too good to be true.

Anyway, she moved back and all seemed well, and I even gave some time in between her return and when we would make things official. This period was one that I'd hoped to use to possibly get to know her better, and I thought I was. This was a lie though. And through the course of the relationship, I would be made to feel like I was at fault. Feeling guilty for my own shortcomings. Perhaps I was at fault, but none more so than she.

Finally, the relationship came to a close and it ended with her leaving me while I was at work. It didn't come off too much as a surprise. Her attitude towards everything regarding us was awkward. I could feel it every time we shared each other's company in any capacity. She would constantly try and drive space between us and I had no idea why. With nothing to go on at the time, all I had were feelings of guilt and wonderment.

Now quite a few months later I can see where I went wrong. I learned much about both myself and of how I am socially. I now am aware of the comfortable boundaries that should be taken seriously before inviting another into my life so intimately.

It is always important to keep a good eye on those you bring into your circle. It's even more important never to be too wary either. Always take your risks but evaluate the potential pros and cons of the person you wish to be with. This goes for friends and/or potential partners.

Be you, and be you well.