That night you left still lingers on my skin just like if it was yesterday. The words "I can't do this anymore" still haunt me up to this day. The sound of your voice and laugh still burns me like if I was swallowing fire. As soon as you said those words, my whole world stopped and my heart fell. I went in my room trying to hide my tears but I could not. I completely fell to my knees not knowing what to do or say. I wondered how I was going to get through every day. I cried until I was completely dry but it never stopped. I prayed that it was just a dream that you would still be with me tomorrow and forever. As soon as everyone fell asleep, my demons came back, and I cried your name out and I did a piece of art on my wrist which I will always regret. I felt completely numb after and I had laid down in bed looking up at my ceiling praying to God to give me strength. I decided to move my pride aside and begged you, but that did not work and that is my biggest regret. I thought of the many things I still had left to tell you and I knew I will never be able to tell you. I was in darkness with my own demons to face. I went through every day trying not to break at random times.
The first days were hell. Hearing your damn name made me choke and would bring me to tears. After a while, I decided to stop crying and to hold every emotion in. It destroyed me. It made me cold and heartless. I would put on a fake smile because I hat when people asked if I was fine. Every time someone would ask me if I was fine I would get angry because who the hell would be fine after getting their heart torn out of their chest? Did they expect me to say "yes, I am fine I did not even care "? Did they expect me to move on and get over him? The thing is I did love him and I did care so how the hell was I supposed just to move on and get over him? It was like if I literally had lost you. Like if you had died.
What fucked me up more was when you asked if we could still be friends because you could not deal with losing me. What about what I felt? Did you ever think of my emotions? Obviously not. Why would I still want to stick around? So you could be able to fuck me any time just because she is not giving you what you want? I should have played you just like how I planned the first time you fucked me over. I should have ruined you mentally and emotionally. I hope one day you realize what you lost and regret of how much pain you put me through just to make your ego grow. I hope one day you cannot sleep because you will be too busy thinking of me and because you miss me too much that you can not breathe. I hope one day you see me with someone and you feel a burning sensation and jealousy in your chest. I hope one day you see how happy I am without you and you realize you are not the reason I am smiling anymore. I hope one day you realize what a great big mistake you made that night you fucked me over completely just to satisfy your needs and fucking ego. I hope one day you feel what I felt that night.
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