The End of Dating for Me!

I am 61-years-old. I wish that I had a fascinating story to tell you, but I don't have one. I have seen things and been through things that no one cares to hear about. So, I will concentrate on talking about the imaginary — my dating life.

If you are out of sleeping pills or suffering from insomnia, reading about my dating life will be the cure for all that ails you.

I have "dated" many nice ladies in my day. Of course, the term "dating" is clearly up for discussion. Therefore, let us just say that I have been out with a lot of ladies. There is, of course, the one that got away. She was the one I really loved and wanted to marry. Unfortunately, I never told her either one of those things. As a result, I can't lump her into the humongous dating problems I had in my non-illustrious lifespan. My disasters even included one gal (?) who packed a punch that was so hard, she should have been ranked somewhere in the Top 10 in Ring magazine. My ribs had stung for weeks thanks to her.

Back to my dilemma. When you are my age, what is the worst thing that could happen to you if you want to date again? Simple. Forget if she is married. Forget where she lived. Her age is the biggest roadblock for me. I cannot get past that issue. If I meet a lady and exchange age info, they usually say, "Age is just a number." Okay. And a shark has teeth. How is this helpful info on the situation? It isn't. In fact, it is quite detrimental. While she may say that, my ears actually hear, "Well, you are an old man and you'll probably be dead before the summer anyway. Sure. Let's give you your last thrill in life and go on a date, OLD MAN."

Yup. Age is just a number — just like the numbers on my tombstone. "Hey, Harry. Look at this stone. This guy Maurice managed to live to be 62 years old. He must have had an exciting life. I wonder what he died from." I can tell you. Boredom and loneliness. Those two things will kill me faster than cancer or anything else on the planet. At least, there are medicines that, while they won't cure you of cancer, they will make it more bearable to deal with. The last time I checked, there is no cure for loneliness and boredom. Those items require other people and, if no one had any time for you, you might as well go to a cemetery you like and start digging your favorite resting place because that is where you will be found when death comes to take you on your eternal ride.

So, now we return to dating. Women in my age are done as far as they are concerned. They have married, had children, grandchildren and — dare I say it — great grandchildren. Now comes an aging stallion and, trust me, they don't want to be ridden in another Kentucky Derby of dating anymore. They will not only throw in the towel, but they will throw it in your face while they tell you (me in this case) NO. Ouch! I have been through it far too many times to count. I've met others who feel that if I want to take them out, I need to know EVERY single ailment they have. Why? I am not buying a classic automobile from a junkyard. That is when I need to know it's maladies. I needed a date with a decent lady within my age range. Unless you are suffering from some nuclear instance that causes you to turn green and bulk up to the size of Lou Ferrigno with the anger to match, I really don't want to hear your problems, ladies. I wanted a lady who wanted to romance me as often as leaves fall off trees.

Let me clarify something. I am NOT talking about sex, although I would have liked it greatly if she was seeing just me and no one else. I am merely talking about holding hands, an occasional hug, dining out and other stuff like that. I am not a horndog. I am not about hitting the sheets and getting her pregnant. I do love children, but that is not my goal. I wanted a lady who would enjoy my company like I would enjoy hers. Unfortunately, only the young gals seem to want to comply. I guess they figure that they would be in my will if I happen to croak while on a date with her. NEWS FLASH: Er...... NOPE! This old boy is as rich as a church mouse or as poor as a subway rat.

I needed a 20-year-old woman back when I was a 20-year-old man. I don't want a woman who can look me square in my eyes and say, "You are older than my grandfather." Really? Can you ask him where I can get a discount on Metamucil? I am running low. Young women have the stamina that I lost a month after I was born. No, I will not run a marathon with you, BUT I will watch the Shark Week marathon with you when it is on the Discovery Channel next year. My endurance is judged by the amount of gas in the tank of my Jeep. My body, on the other hand, has no endurance. When I drive to the store to get a newspaper and return home, I need a nap. My day is over. I have successfully reached old man status. I guess that older women understand this much better.

So, what can I do? I am not really worried much about it. I merely go on with my days and try to make the best of it. Is it easy? Nope! Does it present challenges. Yes! As I said before, I am not at the child-bearing stage anymore. I am way past it. I will accept a lady who has children. I don't care if she has 1, 5 or 100 children. As long as they can accept me as I accept them, I am fine with it. I would accept them and my own. I just hope that they won't start asking me for an allowance. In reality, I know (and everyone else knows) that will NEVER happen.

Recently, I came to a rather startling conclusion. It is something that I have heard over and over and over again. In my case, it may be a true conclusion. Perhaps, I was never meant to be that happy. Bear with me on this. My fellow humans always day the same thing. "There is someone for you out there. You can't give up. Keep looking." Others, on the other hand, say things like, "Things will happen when you least expect it to happen." That second statement explains why people have all sorts of accidents and such, whereas, the first statement explains why I am so frustrated every day. Therefore, as a result, I concluded that maybe I wasn't meant to be happy anymore. After all, I nearly had someone, but floundered the chance at happiness away. Maybe, I was only intended to have one chance and that is all. So, I had my chance. Now what? Well, I think that it is okay to follow the second statement and not bother looking for anyone at all. It now makes great sense.

At my age, you are simply glad that you can look down and see the flowers in a garden than being in the same garden pushing up the daisies. I really do not have anything to look forward to. I've completed school, entered a noble profession, avoided legal trouble, and a whole bunch of things. Dating anyone is now just another task that I need not have to do. Simply waking up is the only challenge that I am going to ever need.

One of my favorite poems was written by E. A. Robinson. It is called "Richard Cory." It is very haunting. When I first read it, I was bewildered. It tells of a man who was admired by everyone based on his physical appearance and presentations. Then, at the end of the piece, he went home and put a bullet into his head. At the time, I often wondered why someone would do that. In my advanced age, I can understand why. Mr. City may have had so much on his plate that he was not able to deal with it anymore. Me? I have no desire to do that, but I do wish to step back from the world and live the life of a hermit. There is a reason why most snails have shells. My abode will be my shell from now on. No more dating for me.

I am DONE!!!