The Power of Gratitude Pt. 1

Let's face it, the love life can get pretty complicated:

Step 1- Find someone who is actually remotely interested in me.

Step 2- Continue to make that interest grow.

Step 3- Try really hard not to f**k it up as things grow even more.

Step 4- Be the kind, supportive, honest, loving, generous, great-in-bed, selfless, caring, Superman, Wonderwoman that every partner should be.

Step 5- Eternal Happiness with the person you love.

Sounds pretty difficult to reach step 5 right? and there's a good chance you could f**k it up at any stage. (I know this from experience).

Now, I am not trying to suck the joy out of love, quite the opposite, in fact, so hear me out:

Some of us have been struggling to get past Step 1, while others are well into Step 4 and the lucky ones have already reached Step 5. Yet despite what step you are at, there is one trait which will completely transform how you view where you are on the spectrum. It can also help you to reach your next step if that is what you wish to do.

This mysterious thing is GRATITUDE, also known as being grateful.

When you are grateful for where you are in your love life and for the person you are with, it changes everything. Being okay with being alone right now will make you come across as less desperate and needy, and will bring out your happy side. Showing your partner that you are grateful for being with them could see you shoot from Step 2 to Step 5 like a rocket ship.

When we are grateful, we are happy with what we have right now. We don't fear losing them or being alone forever and therefore we don't let off these vibes. We let off vibes of happiness and gratitude.

So start now!

If you are single, own it and enjoy it. The right person will automatically be attracted to you. If you are with someone, tell your partner why you are grateful for them. How could they possibly not like that?

Let me go a bit deeper on the subject...

The opposite of gratitude is desire. That thing we want that we don't have. Desire makes us forget about all the great things we do already have. Let me elaborate:

It's very easy to sometimes get caught up in the things we desire. This applies to your love life more than you would think.

You are in a happy, loving relationship, but you are curious about what it might be like to get to know the hot guy or girl at work a bit better. Desire kicks in and leads you down a deceptive path. Before you know it, you are having an affair, you lose your loving partner and are left with someone you can never really trust, assuming they actually want you after the fling is over. Now, this is an extreme example, yet it also happens regularly. What fuels it? Desire, of course!

Now if this person had spent more time appreciating the person he or she was already with and put his or her energy and love into the current relationship, what might happen? Well, I think it's safe to say the love would grow stronger, you would be more content with what you already have and you wouldn't have to regret losing somebody who loved you.

Of course, there are times relationships don't work out, and that's part of life. Yet, if you are happy with the person you are with, why jeopardise this because of your curious desire? If you could take a step back and focus on being grateful for what you already have, then why would you possibly need anyone else?

Next time desire kicks in, take a step back and think about how grateful you are for the person you are already with. If you really aren't that grateful for being with this person, perhaps it is time to move on, so do the right thing. If you are grateful for them, show them. Don't focus on what you don't have, focus on what you do have.

But what if I am single...surely desire is a good thing? Well, the desire is the thing that creates the passion and focuses our attention on a particular person. It gives us a fire, so how can that be a bad thing? Well, of course, a little fire can be very helpful, yet a lot can cause serious damage....

You start to take a particular interest in a girl or guy you know. Desire has kicked in and you start to think of ways you can make them yours. You show them more attention than you do other people and you may find the courage to ask them out. The more you get to know them, the more you want them and, before long, you are fully hooked. Suddenly not having them doesn't seem to be an option. This is a normal, yet difficult situation we all face in our lives. Your fire is quickly starting to spread. Now, at this stage you could go one of two ways:

1. Your desire continues to grow. As it does, you become more desperate for this person to be yours. It begins to frustrate you that you don't yet have them for yourself. You do way more than ever before to show them you are great. Sometimes this person can become your entire world before you have even made any sort of commitment to each other. This is desire speaking at its loudest. You start to come across as needy, desperate, over-bearing and just a bit much–even just through your body language. You have completely lost your cool because your desire has become out of control. That initial flame has become a dangerous fire.

2. Your initial flame has gotten you to a point where you have got to know the person of interest. You thank desire for getting you this far but then extinguish the flame. You don't let desire control your actions anymore. Instead, you turn to gratitude. You are thankful for every moment you get to spend with this person and as a result, you are happy and naturally enjoy yourself. The person you are with also enjoys themselves. Happiness and enjoyment are incredibly contagious.

Which of these two people is the love interest going to like more? The answer is obvious. Okay, so option two may still not work out. Well, that is just another excuse to turn to gratitude. Instead of being resentful, you can be thankful for the time you did get to spend with this person. Your kind and appreciative reaction to the rejection may even make them think twice about leaving you behind.

To conclude; love is complicated and can mess with us. It can make us do things that aren't who we normally are. It can lead us to our darkest selves. But it doesn't have to be that way. With a little bit of gratitude, love can flourish. So be grateful for where you are right now in your love life. Be happy with what you have and you may just see that the thing you once desired so intensely comes to you naturally and with ease.

Happy loving

Luke Harding