The Relationship Status

Someone told me once the quote, "it is what it is," and I never really got along with it because I believe that you shouldn't take whatever bullshit is thrown at you and just accept it. Life is a journey for sure, but it doesn't have to be a war zone. You will have to step up one day and say what's on your mind and how you can FIX it because if you nurture it inside your soul it will only start growing roots and probably leaving scars for life.

So this is my way of stepping up and talking about a little chapter of my life. And this is about relationships and how they can change your life in so many ways.

I have only been in long relationships because I was never afraid of commitment and liked to let myself be carried by the beauty of fresh love and its magical powers of making life perfect, but just for a couple months. You see, I never had relationships less than a year, and I soon got to know that in the first three months of the big shit show, everybody is happy, but then the games begin. You start fighting over nothing, and sooner or later it all goes to hell.

But sometimes there is a certain someone whom you just can't let go because you know that without them, life would be a little bit different. I am lucky enough to have that someone and unlucky enough to fight all the time in the worst ways possible. In those moments, I am not a little sunflower anymore and he is not my honey. So that's why I'm telling you:

Fuck Relationships. The perfect relationship does not exist, and if you have extreme expectations like I have, you will always end up disappointed. I have high expectations, and it doesn't help me or him, it just hurts us. So lower them, take it step by step, and don't rush into anything because doing stuff too fast is going to do more harm than good. I am talking about moving in together. I have always done that and ended up regretting because it drives you crazy. When you do that, you become a typical married couple who try to avoid each other as much as possible or worse, start hating each other.

The worst part is that relationships became more about how you see it than what it actually is. All over the internet you see these goals that relationships have to meet, but when some of them do, the rest don't, and then frustration comes along and plays a big part in your relationship demolition. The reason for that is because when you don't meet those relationship goals that everybody else seems to achieve, you think that something isn't right, that you should be treated better. You know what, you should be treated better, but have you been treating better yourself? You can't expect a person to love you and to show it if you are not showing it yourself.

I am in a good relationship right now, but until a couple hours ago, I didn't know because I was so angry at all those things that my relationship doesn't have and I was driven by it. But let me tell you this: the only goal that a relationship should have is happiness, which seems to just tag along among other things these days. It became more important to show off with material stuff and fill the empty space with roses, but every rose has its thorn.

Those thorns hurt the most when they come in bits like "I'm always right," and when you feel that need to respond, don't. Just walk away and calm down. You can't have a fight with only one person in the ring. Get out of the ring and try to see things from the outside because that will help you. That's the moment when you realize if the person is worth your time or not. Always make important decisions with a clear head before you will do something you might regret.

Being in a relationship is like swimming in the ocean. If you swim too fast, you lose your energy and drown. Take things slowly so you can figure out how to get to the shore. Talk about the problems, don't keep them to yourself, and share what's been hurting you, explain what needs to change. Don't fight, discuss. If things go wrong, try harder.

I'm not saying that you should work forever. What I'm saying is that you should make things happen because they don't just happen. Rome wasn't built in a day, but it was burned in one.

This is what I am doing now, and I hope for the best. If things don't change, you'll at least know that you tried and that when you let go it will be because YOU know it wasn't right. That is the most important thing, to be sure when you end something. If you are not, then you'll just hang to the same memories and put the same questions, "did you just lose everything you ever wanted?"

Make sure you think before you act so that you can be forever his sunflower or her honey.