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The Valentine’s Day Social Media Post – A 2-Minute Guide to What to Expect

This is a quick, 'Hitchhiker's Guide' type break down of the cheesiest and the most obvious for your Valentine's Day this year.

By Delilah JaydePublished 6 years ago 1 min read
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So it's almost Valentine's Day again. The day that society pressures the boyfriends of the world to spend the amount of how much they really love you, while simultaneously pressuring the girlfriends of the world to post the cheesiest, category-red-'est photos on their social media pages to the judgment of their peers and social media followers. So, in order to prepare you for this glorious manifestation, I have put together this quick guide on how to decode all the sad, cheesy Valentine's Day posts you're going to encounter on this next 14-day trek through February. Regardless of your status, the odds will certainly be in your favor after all is said and done.

The Single Girl's Cheesy Food Status

Ok, so you're single, we get it. Although I should really probably remind you that "pizza" is not an acceptable Valentine's date, and I thought we determined that you were trying to be a "strong, independent woman" after your stint with...."what's his name" which we won't get into right now. It's one thing to celebrate your independence, but another to call even more attention to yourself on this "Single's Appreciation Day." Instead, encourage the celebration of someone who's given you love who should probably get some love from you in return. Post a photo of the two of you together instead. (Side note on this one though: Pets do NOT count.)Other food items that are not valid Valentine's dates: chicken nuggets, watermelon, tequila, birthday cake, chocolate ice cream, and hot dogs. You get the idea.

The One-Dozen Red Roses Instagram Post

Sooo....what did he do to you? Do you even know?The number of roses you'll get from your man this year (followed by the number of times you'll probably post about them) is most likely the subsequent amount of phone numbers he's probably gained since last Valentine's Day. He probably just googled "what I should get bae for V-day."You're probably wondering about that pretty Tiffany bracelet and box of Henry's chocolates. My recommendation: don't.

The Oversized, Terrifying Teddy Bear Post

I think the general consensus about these posts are that they are obnoxious and annoying. Besides, where are you going to put that thing? I don't suppose you've been saving a seat for this guy on your shelf right in between to your Calculus 12 text book and Accounting 101. And of course, the real reason why anyone would buy you a bear, big or small, is to spy on you (duh). Always check the eyes for cameras, because nothing says "I-don't-know-how-to-get-photos-of-you-naked-otherwise" than a big ole teddy bear.

The Home-Cooked Meal Splurge

This one's always confused me to no end. Are you suggesting that perhaps you may not, in fact, be making your own meals on a daily basis? (Not that I am against a $2 burger for every meal, not in the least!) But if this is exceeding your expectations, then how exactly does he satisfy your food necessities during the other 364 days of the year? Congratulations on making a meal... I think?! Keep at it. Or, here's a better idea: let's not flood our friends' timelines with more unnecessary food posts. No one really cares what you're putting into your gut anyways.

The Couples-in-V-Day Selfie

Although I'm sure this isn't the only photo you've got together, because it's Valentine's Day, everyone seems to think they get a pass to post a photo like this. Ever notice how it always looks like one person is more prepared for the photo than the other? Even so, I'm sure you've already seen this one coming: an extra -2 points if you pull out the Snapchat filter ears because you already have that photo on all your social media profile pictures (A.K.A it's really not that new) and it probably goes without saying that the caption is something along the lines of "Hey! Look at us! We're still together, in case anyone still cares! We're sososososoooo happy together! Wheee!"(Read: -2 points for every extra set of ears.)

The Homemade Card Post

This one is a stupidly cheesy one too, but if there is one post on this list that even passes any sort of social media test, it's probably this one. It's also probably the most romantic way to show just how poor you are. Rule of thumb for Valentine's Day cards: if it's good enough for his mom's fridge, it's good enough for my Facebook feed.

The Taken Guy's Monologue

You'll probably get a few of these from those guys out there who isn't single, but decides that there is only one day out of the year suitable enough to get a bit longwinded about how great his girlfriend is. While no one is really questioning how great she is, wouldn't it be so much better to just, tell her in person? Declaring it into the social stratosphere will eventually come back to haunt you if the two of you don't stay together, so maybe just save yourself the humanity of labeling your girl "the most caring, beautiful, incredible woman in the world." Unless you're Barack Obama, that's not allowed, good sir.

The Non-Existent, Off-the-Grid Mention

Don't see a post from a couple that you are pretty sure are definitely together? Are they still the happiest couple on the planet, or did they break up and you never found out because they never told you? Did one of them fall of the edge of the earth and is, in fact, non-existent?!Now, you'll never know. Not that it was any of your business to begin with anyways.
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About the Creator

Delilah Jayde

You can follow her on Facebook at: www.facebook.com/iamdelilahjayde

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