To the Girl Who Thinks She Is too Broken

“Maybe I’m not as okay as I want to believe. Maybe those broken pieces I keep denying are attracting the wrong souls.” — Samantha King

You’ve loved hard. You’ve been vulnerable. You’ve been hurt.

You’ve been broken. You've been completely destroyed by people who promised never to hurt you. People you trusted. People you loved.

And now you’re afraid. You’re scared. You’ve closed yourself off. You’ve built walls to protect yourself from any more pain. You’ve all but shut down.

You’re afraid to love and to let someone in again. You’re afraid if you do they will destroy you. That they will leave you in pieces again.

You’ve trusted and been betrayed. You’ve thought you knew someone and misjudged. You’ve given to people that have only taken. You’ve put others before yourself. You’ve loved people who only hate. You’ve given second chances to people that wouldn’t even give you a chance. You’ve only seen the best in people who only chose to see the worst in you. You’ve been everything to people who have been nothing to you. You’ve been there for people who left you when you really needed them. You’ve only been honest to people who have only lied to you. You’ve been kind to people who have used you. You’ve been disappointed time and time again. You’ve protected people who left you in the dark. You’ve been caring to people who have abused your care. You have been hurt way more than you ever deserved to be. You try so hard for people who don’t try for you. You’ve been with people who don’t deserve you.

You’re afraid that you aren’t lovable or that you aren’t capable of love. You’re afraid that you’re too broken. You’re afraid that no one will want you. That you’re too damaged. No one will be able to handle your brokenness. You aren’t even sure if you can put yourself back together.

“It didn’t matter that she fell apart, it was how she put herself back together.” — Atticus

You have a past. A past where you did things you weren’t proud of. Where you were someone that you’d never want to be again. You’re afraid that you’ll be judged by your past. That you can’t escape it. But, your past isn’t something you should regret. It isn’t something you should be ashamed of. It’s something that you should be proud of. It shows how far you’ve come, all that you’ve been through. Your scars have made you into the person you are today.

Everyone has a past. Everyone has been broken at some point. Everyone has done things that they wish they hadn’t. But those are the things make you who you are. They are part of your story, your journey. Like a mosaic, some of the most beautiful things were once broken.

Without being broken, you wouldn’t know how strong you are. You wouldn’t learn without pain. Even the strongest of us need to be torn down to be build back up. You might be in pieces, but put them back a different way than they were before, a better way. Take the time you need to make yourself whole again.

Your past is who you were not who you are.

Your past doesn’t define you. Your pain shouldn’t lead you. You’re not a victim of your past or your pain. No woe is you. I know it hurts. I know it’s easier not to deal with it.

“If only I could show you the past without dragging the pain along with it.” -f.s. yousef

Pain has a purpose. Let it be constructive and not deconstructive. Pain may be a part of you, but it isn’t your path. Pain brings us clarity. And pain is a part of your past. Don’t try to deny it and act like it didn’t happen. Accept and acknowledge it.

You’re not incapable of love and being loved. You just have to give yourself permission to love and let someone love you. You have to let someone in. Because the love that you deserve exists. The love that you are capable of giving is an extraordinary love. A love that has endured a lot of pain and is still standing. A love that is stronger.

You have such an incredibly beautiful heart don’t let your pain tarnish that. Let your brokenness lead to better and not bitter.

Someone will come into your life that will treat you how you deserve to be treated and love you like you’ve always wanted to be loved. Someone that deserves you. Someone that deserves your love. But, you can’t push them away. You can’t believe that they are going to hurt you.

Don’t become so damaged and hurt that when someone tries to give you what you deserve that you have no idea how to respond. Don’t lose hope in humanity. Don’t forget what you deserve. And don’t put up with anything that you don’t.

Just because someone broke you doesn’t mean you have the right to break someone else. Just because someone broke you doesn’t mean you need to break someone else. Just because someone broke you doesn’t mean someone else will. You can’t judge everyone you meet based on your past. They aren’t your past.

“Don’t let someone who ruined your trust ruin the next person’s chance to gain that trust.”

I know you want to protect yourself and not make the same mistakes. But you can’t treat new people like old people. It’s not fair to think they are going to do the things that others did to you. All the things that you’ve done. All the things that you’ve done for others. Just because those things might not have been appreciated by the people in your past, but they will be appreciated by the people in your future.

“The finest souls are the ones that have gulped pain and avoided making others taste it” — Nizariat

Give yourself time to heal properly and wholly so you don’t make your pain someone else’s. So you don’t break someone else. It’s hard to truly appreciate people if you haven’t experienced loss. If you haven’t felt pain to know understanding. And if you haven’t been broken to know how strong you are. Being broken isn't a bad thing, it allows you to be stronger. It's okay to be broken.

Your past is there to build you not to break you. Allow yourself to break, but not fall apart. Grow through what you go through.

We all have flaws. We all are a little bit broken. It doesn’t make us weak. It just makes us human.

“We are made of all those who have built and broken us.”

— Atticus