To the Girl Who Thinks She'll Never Move On

I know you are thinking that you can't move on. You are thinking that you will always love this guy but I'm telling you that you will move on. I did. I moved on and fell in love with someone who treats me the way I deserve to be treated. I fell in love with someone who treats me the way every girl deserves to be treated. I fell in love with someone who grounds me and makes me feel worthy and loved. I fell in love with a man who makes me feel safe. But it wasn't an easy path that led me to this man.

I was in a relationship for two years. A relationship that took everything out of me. Made me feel unloved, unworthy, and put in my head that no one would ever love me or accept me for who I am. I felt disgusting. I felt ugly. I had disturbing thoughts that a young teenager should never have. There were times where I would lay on my bed and cry for hours. I would even go into the bathroom and turn on the shower so no one could hear me and just lay on the floor and cry for what seemed like forever. I would cry out for the pain to end. I didn't eat right. I would lock myself in my room and watch the same movies on repeat. I told myself that I didn't want to be here anymore but I told everyone else I was fine. But inside, I felt like I was being torn apart. I was in a relationship that was slowly killing me. A relationship that I never thought I would be able to escape from. But the relationship didn't start out that way.

My relationship started out like any other normal relationship. He was sweet, caring, and genuine. He made me feel beautiful and he made sure he told me everyday that I was beautiful. He told me that I would be the girl he married one day. He said all the things every girl wants to hear. He told me that he had never felt this way about another girl and that he would never leave me. But then we broke up. This break-up was a break-up set by my parents. We dated on an off for another year and a half before we officially got back together. He talked to my parents and asked for another chance with me. He did what every girl dreamt of. He asked for my parents' approval. We dated for another six months and then we broke up. This time, for good.

What I didn't mention was within those two years that we were together, we dated and broke up over 20 times. My parents didn't allow me to be with him but two times. So I went behind their back. We dated and broke up. Over twenty times. Girls, that is NOT healthy. A relationship like that tears you apart. It tore me apart and made me unrecognizable to so many people. I was so unhappy and I wasn't myself. It took me a very long time to get back to being my happy self. It was a hard time for me. I struggled in school. My grades dropped instantly. I lost so many of my friends because I chose my unhealthy relationship over them. I was very disrespectful and negative. My relationship with my parents crumbled because I chose a stupid boy over them. They were only trying to look out for me. They were protecting my heart because I wasn't doing a very good job. This relationship made me very different. I did not know what self respect was. I posted very unappealing pictures of myself. At the time I thought I was being cool but it was just disrespectful towards myself. I tried talking to other guys to make the pain go away but it never worked. Why? Anytime my ex-boyfriend got wind of me talking to someone, he came back into my life and destroyed me all over again.

Talking to other people is not the answer to moving on. The answer to moving on is being alone. Being true to yourself and making yourself happy first. Spend time with people who are good for you and who love you unconditionally. For me, that was my family. They all knew that I deserved better and they made sure that they told me what I deserved and that helped me move on. After a while I knew that the relationship I was in wasn't good for me. I wanted to leave, it was just a matter of how am I going to leave? I have been in this relationship for two years. It was hard for me to leave but one day I just did it. Things had been rocky for the past week and I finally had enough and I told him I was done. I couldn't do it anymore. I turned around and walked out of the school and that was it. We didn't talk for a year after that.

It took me two years to realize that he was bad for me. It took me two years to realize that I needed to move on. But then all of a sudden, he came back into my life. He got with someone right after we broke up and they dated for a year. They broke up around Christmas and guess who got a text from their ex-boyfriend Christmas Day? I did. I fell into the trap again. I thought he wanted to be with me again. I really thought he loved me. Not even a week later, he got back together with his ex-girlfriend. I was heart broken but I knew that was the LAST time that we ever would be together.

A few weeks after Christmas, I ran into an old friend of mine at school. I had known him since 8th grade. He was my 8th grade crush. I never thought in that moment that I would be where I am with him right now. We started to get to know each other and I fell for him right away but I didn't know it at the time. I still thought that I was in love with my ex-boyfriend. But I knew that the guy I was talking to was special because I told him how I felt about my ex-boyfriend and he didn't give up. He continued everyday to show me that he would love me the right way and he would treat me the way I truly deserved to be treated. He never pressured me to do anything or say anything I wasn't comfortable with. He let me open up to him on my own terms. He helped me heal. He helped me become the girl I once was. The happy, outgoing, loving and positive girl that had been missing for so long. He told me that he would not stop trying to help me no matter what happened. He was going love me when I was broken and he was going to continue to love me until I was whole again. He never gave up. Not one time. He loved me on the days that I was unbearable. He loved me on the days that other guys would have ran the other way. He made me me again.

I promise you, you will move on. You will find someone who treats you the right way and who loves you the right way. You just have to let go of that person that is holding you back. You have to be strong and let go. It is the hardest thing to do, I understand, but it is something you have to do to be happy. You will find a man that will love you for you. No matter what your past is. Know your worth. Sometimes those crushes from 8th grade you never thought would go anywhere will turn into something magical.