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When Relationships Become Too Complicated

Where to go now?

By Ginny BerkPublished 7 years ago 3 min read
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My parents divorced when I was not even old enough for school. My father was very abusive and my mother finally found the way out. When I was a teenager my dad's actions hadn't changed much. One Christmas Eve when I was 13, my dad and I had gotten into it and he hit me, right across the face leaving me with a black eye for a week. I didn't see my dad again for 10 years.

Six months after my 18th birthday, I married a man I had known since I was 8. He lived next door and although he moved out of state when I turned 11 every time he came back it was like he never left. I had boyfriends in high school but no one I could see my self with like this boy. Finally, he moved back when I was 17 and we married. Things were great until 6 months after our wedding. We found out we were pregnant in early July that year. Two weeks later, on his birthday, we found out our baby didn't have a heart beat. July 23rd I had to have a d and c because my body wouldn't miscarry on its own. That's when everything changed in our relationship. We got so invested in having a baby that all we did was try. Finally, in September, I caught him cheating on me with the girl next door. I left him. Thankfully we had a two bedroom apartment so he moved into the second bedroom and I stayed in the one we shared for almost a year. One day things just broke. He hit me during an argument, put all my shoes in his car (it was snowing and about 32 degrees outside) finally I got ahold of a friend of mine and he called the police. Two weeks before our 1 year wedding anniversary we were over.

I was bad back then at staying single. I almost immediately got into a relationship with a much older man. He already had two kids who were teenagers. I was barely 19. We dated for four years before I found I was pregnant. My son happens to be that 0.01% the pill isn't effective. Although, this man wasn't happy I was pregnant and wanted me to end the pregnancy, I just couldn't. I lost my daughter. My planned child. I wasn't going to give up the one I could carry since I had no clue if there was another chance. (Now I'm completely pro-choice! This just happened to be my choice.) After we found out I was pregnant, he changed. Slowly at first, then all at once. He became very emotionally abusive. I was in the mind set that my child, my son needed a father so I put up with it. He moved in with me when I was pregnant and moved out when my son was 3 weeks old. I kept putting up with his abusive behavior. Finally, one day when my son was 3 I found out he was cheating on me and we got into it. He threw one of my son's toys at me and it hit my son instead. That was it for me! Do as you will to me. Do not touch my child! My poor son hasn't seen his dad in 2 years now after a year of custody court hearings. I dated some after I ended it with him. Nothing lasted more than a few weeks and finally somewhere after all the court hearings I gave up. I was happy with it just being my son and I. I needed to learn to live alone and love my life before I could bring someone in and make it last.

A year and a half ago I decided to try dating again. I joined some online dating site, cause really how else do you meet people? I found a great man with his own child and screwed up background with relationships. A year and a half later I don't know what I'm doing in this relationship anymore. He is so emotionally unavailable that it's hard to get close to him. He doesn't want to be screwed over again which I get but sometimes you have to take a risk and after a year and a half I'm willing to. He isn't. I feel like I stick around too long because I'm afraid of being alone or think it's too hard to date and have a child. I can't tell you why I still stick around. Maybe I think he'll change. Maybe I think one day he'll open himself up to us fully. I feel lost about us and I don't know what to do.

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