When the World Collapsed

We met in Florida. I was living there with my mother, working and just enjoying the Sunshine State. He had moved there from New York State for a job. We spent every moment together when we could go. Riding the motorcycle, sitting at the beach talking, or just walking around taking in the sights. We moved to his hometown which was a huge change for me. I got pregnant with our first daughter and we married right before she was born. We went through a lot of bad times together and some were very hard but we always stuck together. Fast forward a little over ten years. We had two more daughters, he had a very good job, and I was a stay-at-home mom who didn't have to worry about a thing. Our girls at the time were 7, 4, and 2. His job required him to travel and so during the week he wasn't home, which the girls and I were accustomed to.

Things seemed to change very quickly. He was different. He spent a lot of time "working" at a specific location, he started drinking (which he NEVER drank), and then he started talking about how he didn't know if he loved me anymore. This was brought to my attention all out of the blue and I didn't understand any of it. I thought everything was fine with our relationship. There was no indication of anything wrong. Then the night we were celebrating my middle daughters' birthday, he sat out on our porch drinking and listening to music. He only came in for a minute to sing happy birthday to our daughter then went back out. We fought later on and I went to bed with swollen eyes from crying and a hurting heart. The next morning he was nowhere to be found, then we finally found out he had walked the ten miles from our house to his parents in the middle of the night. When I went to talk to him that next day, he said many odd things. He told me he didn't feel like he had any feelings, that he knew he should love me and our girls but he couldn't for some reason, and it confused me. That night had been the last time he would be home as my husband. He seemed to go off the edge. He stayed with his parents and I'll never forget the day I learned of his infidelity. I was texting him asking if there was someone else and all he responded was, "I don't want to talk about this over text." By that answer, I knew. He then proceeded to tell me he had been cheating on me with a woman for a couple of months and how she was so much better than me etc. I will never forget that day.

He had always been one to say that there is no reason for cheating, and that if someone wasn't happy, they should just leave. He surprised not only me, but everyone who knew him. The moment I learned of this other woman, my world crashed and burned as I knew it. I slipped down further and further till I would wake up every morning and wish to die, that's how bad the pain was. I didn't want to live anymore. I wasn't taking care of my daughters like I should have been. My mother was concerned for me and them because she knew if she didn't fix them something to eat before she left for work, that they wouldn't eat. I kept sinking lower and lower that I don't remember most of that time. I blocked out the memories of the pain because it was so bad. I also blamed the other woman because she knew he had a wife and three girls but she didn't care so to me, she was just as low as he was.

I dealt with feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and hatred at myself for letting this happen. He blamed me for him cheating and I believed it. I thought that if only I had done this differently or been a better wife then he wouldn't have done this. I went as far as begging him over and over again to come back. That we could work through this and we could come out stronger. He played mind games with me and would keep me strung along just enough to give me hope then kick me down again.

One day it all changed. One morning I woke up, literally and figuratively, after he had stripped me of everything, and realized I could not continue to lay down like a beaten dog. My daughters needed their mother and that was most important. I had to do whatever I needed to take care of them and myself. He had taken my truck, our only source of income, and for a time, my pride. I would not let him do this to me any longer. I bucked up, put on my best clothes, took my moms' car, and went in search of a job. I found a minimum wage job at McDonald's but it was a job, and being that I hadn't worked in 10 years, I couldn't get much with no experience. I found my strength and never let him mess with me again.

There was one time that he came wanting me to take him back, but it was only after he saw that I was not going to grovel over him anymore, but he could not sway me. I was finally free, I was taking control of my life and my daughters' lives, and I was not anyone's plaything anymore.

Looking back, I now see how a situation that broke me and turned my world upside down, made me a stronger woman and for that I will always be thankful it happened. My advice as a wife who dealt with infidelity is this: DON'T LET IT BREAK YOU. You are not to blame. It is not your fault. You can and will come out stronger than you ever thought possible. Do NOT let him control your happiness. I know it feels like the pain will never end and you will never be able to be happy again, but trust me, it will and you will. Don't EVER let him talk down to you or make you feel worthless or like it happened because of something you did or did not do. It WAS NOT you. It was him and his doing only. It had nothing to do with you and don't ever let him or anyone else tell you otherwise.

Life does go on after being cheated on. It takes time for the heart to heal, and to be honest, I will never forgive what he did. I never will condone cheating of any kind, but if you have been through it, it changes your outlook on things. You don't trust as easily, you are very guarded, you are scared that it will happen again with any partner you have afterwards, but it is not a life sentence. You will overcome the pain and your heart will mend. I will leave you with this motto that I brought out of the darkness with me and that I hope can help someone else: Never base your happiness on someone else. Be happy with yourself and that's all that matters.