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Why Do Men Keep Giving Me Dogs?

Then Fu#@ing Leave Me?

By Mandy EverPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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This isn't my first rodeo, and by rodeo I mean divorce. I wish I could say I was like my Grandparents and I was still married to the same man, but we just got divorced and took breaks when we were pissed off at one another. But, no. I've been married and divorced before. What's different this time is we have children. What is the same is that both men bought me a dog a few months before asking for a divorce.

I know you're thinking I am a total psycho. How could someone not be psycho and have two men leave her? You're probably right, but that's not the point of what I am trying to write. I can get into if I'm sane or not another time.

No, we are talking about two different men feeling the need to give me a dog. The first one I sort of understand. I'd just lost my grandmother, we didn't have any children. So he was giving me something to distract me from my grief. The idea of divorce wasn't something he was thinking of at that point. But still, it's a weird coincidence, no?

Divorce dog one was a black pug who I named Ling Ling. She was so stupid. SO STUPID! I potty trained her, or at least I attempted to potty train her. I took her out, and when she did her business I'd say "Good Potty!" and give her a treat. I'd watch her take a giant dump in the backyard, then pee on all the things. THEN she would come in the house and leave me a steaming pile of poo in the corner. She was never ashamed of it, she'd run up all proud and bring me straight to it. She ate my cell phone three times and about four pairs of expensive high heels. When I left Oklahoma, I found Ling Ling a nice home on a farm (a real farm, not the farm your parents tell you your dead dogs have gone to).

This time around I think the giver of divorce dog number two knew he was going to ask. He has told me he was going to ask for eight years. So, this gift was more thought out, I think. Less of a nice thing, or maybe a nice thing. My feelings are still too hurt to say he was just trying to be nice. I'm still in the throes of total heartbreak. But anyhow, he gives me Ethel. Because he wanted something for me to take care of (apparently our two growing boys just weren't enough for me).

Divorce dog Ethel isn't as dumb as Ling Ling, but she's a chewer. She's always chewing something. She ate a library book, and that's going to cost me $34.95, but seeing as I don't have a real home, or a real job right now, I can't exactly pay the library. (I am really sorry; you're first on my list when I get paid.) I feel sorrier for this poor dog than myself. I mean she had a whole family, and now she's stuck with sad-ass me.

There will be no more dogs in my future, as I have decided to become an unfeeling old hag in the future. This was my last go at love. I even told my soon-to-be ex so before we got married. I wasn't lying. I don't have enough humor in me to cover this sort of pain again. I don't have the patience in me to train another damned dog.

So men, if you're planning on divorcing your wife, don't get her a dog. We don't need something to take care of if you're leaving us. We will have a hard enough time taking care of our broken hearts. Just remember that, your future happiness, and any guilt you feel getting it cannot and will not be appease by buying your soon-to-be ex-wife a furry mammal. Don't do it. Just don't.

divorce
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About the Creator

Mandy Ever

I am a 39-year-old newly single mother of 2 boys. I am sarcastic, shy and occasionally very dark with spatters of sunshine and sprinkles. I like to sew, crochet and dance to loud embarrassing music when no one is watching.

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