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Why Some Men Leave

Three Reasons Why a Man Would Leave a Woman — and They're Not All About You

By The Writer ChickPublished 7 years ago 6 min read
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Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

When it comes to men, there are many reasons why a man would leave a woman. Even good, decent women get dumped and they are left bewildered and confused. What did I do wrong? Well, you might not have done anything.

Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not you, it’s me?” Well, more often than not, it is you (sorry), but sometimes it really was the man and it had nothing to do with you, even though your heart is broken.

♥ With men, it’s all about timing ♥

It may not be very comforting, but sometimes men just leave and their reasons are their own. Sometimes a woman never knows why.

Sometimes men leave and come back, sometimes they move on with someone else, some men abandon women just when she needed him the most. Other times, they just disappear.

But I will tell you, if a man leaves you, walks away from you and out of your life, if he abandons you or leaves you during a time you needed him…let him go.

If he was weak enough to leave, be strong enough to let him

Here are a few solid reasons why a man would walk away from a relationship.

Reason 1: He is Overwhelmed Emotionally

Okay, here’s the scene…you’ve been dating a great guy for several months and things are going great. You get along, his friends and family like you, you make each other laugh, there’s no drama, and you are feeling pretty content.

Then suddenly, out of the blue, he starts to withdraw. He doesn’t call you as much, he seems distant and aloof, and you, not only, wonder what’s going on, but you start blaming yourself, thinking you pushed him away or worse — there's another woman.

Men are like finely tuned watches and they must move at just the right pace in order to work just right. Many men start pulling away when emotions get too high or too intense for them. They can’t handle it.

Some men either don’t have the emotional skills to handle these situations with you or they become more and more distant when the relationship is at its most intense.

He can’t handle the emotions coming at him and feels so anxious and freaked out inside, he ends up withdrawing to get away. This is a problem that HE owns, not you.

Solution: Whatever you do, don’t pressure him! Don’t ask him a million questions — What’s wrong? Did I do something? Is everything alright? Are you cheating on me? Do you still love me — STOP it now! You will only push him farther away. When he is feeling anxious and overwhelmed, the last thing he needs is a woman up in his grill asking him questions, putting more pressure on him.

Relax and back off.

Sometimes all he needs is a safe distance to know you support his anxiety about a new relationship and you are there for him. This may sound archaic, but believe me, this is a good chance to put your patience into play. Don’t try to wow him with how great a cook you are, how loving you are, remind him of how great the two of you are together, and so on. He already knows these things and that’s what’s swirling around in his head.

Back off and let him take a deep breath, take a step back, and once he sees everything will be okay, chances are things will be fine between the two of you.

If it’s not and he still bolts, then he wasn’t the man for you. Let him go and do not chase after him.

When to Worry: If he backs off and says the four dreaded words, “I need some space…,” he is looking for sex with another woman and you need to let him go.

Reason 2: He is Afraid of Losing His Freedom

If your relationship is full of arguments, stress, complaints, and downright negativity, a man is going to look at you and the fix he’s in and say, "Man, what have I gotten myself into!"

He is going to start looking at you as a nag, that “old ball and chain,” and he will start to look for ways to bolt.

If you tell him he can’t hang out with his friends, must be home at a certain time after work, make up rules for him to follow, and so on, you will be more like his mother than his lover. Most men, healthy ones anyway, want to leave home and get away from their mama, not live with them forever under their rules.

However, if your relationship is fun, healthy, intimate, and the two of you are happy and work at making it work, he’ll continue to devote his time to you and look at what he’s gaining with you instead of what he might have to be giving up to be with you.

Solution: Don’t fence him in! Be cool, laid back, and go with the flow. Just be and enjoy your relationship. Don’t put pressures on him to give up his old life (unless it’s harmful and/or dangerous, then you shouldn’t be with him in the first place). You get the point, don’t be a warden or he is going to start looking for ways to make a jail break and escape!

When to Worry: If he starts to say things like, “Stop trying to control me!” or “You’re not cool anymore!” or “What are you, my mother?” Eh…the relationship is starting to die and has become a dying horse. You need to jump off while you still have your dignity intact.

Reason 3: He Thinks You are Trying to Fix/Change Him

First off, you can’t change or fix anyone, especially a man. You can only be a good influence on him and hope he wants to be a better man by being with you.

A man is not your charity case or project and if you start to make him feel like one, he’s gone.

When you start making demands, threats, criticizing, judging, blaming…a man will shut down and stop talking, and believe me, you don’t want that. When it comes to that point, you have pushed him too far.

If you are not happy with something in your relationship, talk to him. Don’t beg him to change or threaten to leave if he doesn’t, I’m telling you it won’t work.

If you want a man to be better, you can provide the space for him to grow, but you cannot make him do it. You just can’t. All the demanding and pleading in the world won’t change a man.

Lasting change must come from within, when HE is ready

If he is so far removed from the type of man you want, then why continue the relationship?

Solution: You must be able to communicate with your man in such a way that demonstrates the happy, fulfilled, and loving woman you are. You need to find ways to continually praise and appreciate each other rather than criticize or tear each other down all the time.

♥ A man will not stay in a relationship that makes him miserable ♥

Once you learn how to communicate in this way, you will be amazed at how he’ll show you his love and appreciation in return.

When to Worry: When he starts to shut down and close you out, his self-esteem is taking a beating and he is not feeling great about himself or the relationship. When he starts looking at you as a counselor who is trying to remake him into something or someone he’s not, he is done and you have bruised him for the next woman. Never be the type of woman who destroys a man.

Too many relationships lose the simple appreciation which brought them together in the first place.

Every woman deserves a fulfilling, meaningful, long-lasting relationship with a man who’s ready and willing to do his part in creating an incredible life together. ♥

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About the Creator

The Writer Chick

Lisa V. Proulx is an award-winning and international bestselling author, an award-winning speaker and storyteller, a publishing consultant, a feature writer and columnist, and the Editor of The Brunswick Herald newspaper in Maryland.

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