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Worst Stereotypes About Single Women

Someone who's sick of the stigma talks about the worst stereotypes about single women.

By Ossiana TepfenhartPublished 6 years ago 8 min read
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Speaking as a relationship writer who has become convinced that modern dating is toxic, I'll be the first to say that staying single is often a person's best bet. Simply put, we can't trust anyone to be the partner we need them to be, in order to make a relationship worth it.

Here's the rub that's so aggravating: women, in particular, are stigmatized for being single. This leads to people staying in bad relationships to avoid the stigma of "failing at love," and often makes things even more painful for women who want love, but haven't quite found it.

That being said, some stereotypes about single ladies are worse than others. The really bad ones are just plain infuriating, and legit make my blood boil. Here are the worst stereotypes about single women, and why I hate them.

"She's gonna be a crazy cat lady."

Ugh, of all the worst stereotypes about single women I've heard, this is the absolute foulest. First off, what's wrong with liking cats? Cats win Instagram all the time, and are amazing companions. I hate the fact that cat ownership is stigmatized like that.

Moreover, why is it that people just assume women go crazy if they are single for too long? Like, do people really think that women need a man to be happy, or is this just men's patriarchal way of enforcing the idea that, yes, women need them?

Just saying, every single thing men were supposed to offer women, they either no longer want to provide, or there's a replacement for. Though many of us are deeply saddened by the fact that there's a pretty decent chance of never being married, most of us will not go "crazy" over it.

Being single does not connote or denote mental illness. This just goes back to men using the word "crazy" as a way to control women, or write them off as invalid in their opinions.

There's been a lot of blowback on this particularly animal-unfriendly stereotype, with many artists dismantling the "crazy cat lady" trope through their work. Even so, the fact that this is an insult says volumes about society.

"Single? Ugh, she's probably a prude." OR "Single? Ugh, probably a slut."

The second worst of all the worst stereotypes about single women would have to be the slut-shaming and prude-shaming that single girls have to deal with. This just goes to show how much of a rigged game dating is; there's no winning.

If a single girl doesn't have casual sex, she's a prude and "that's why you're single." Meanwhile, if she does partake in casual sex, she's "throwing herself away" and "too slutty to date."

Ugh, I just can't even begin to describe how demeaning, dehumanizing, and downright idiotic this kind of train of thought is. Our bodies are made to be enjoyed however we see fit; if people have a problem with that, it's on them.

Oh, and this kind of shaming is a surefire sign you're also dealing with a horrible human being. Fuck that.

"Single at 30? OMG, she's so lonely and miserable, poor thing."

On an emotional level, this is one of the worst stereotypes about single women for a number of reasons.

First, hearing this too often will make an otherwise happy woman depressed. After all, if you hear something frequently enough, you'll believe it to be the truth.

Second, there's the whole issue that it's a double standard. Again, why is it that women can't be happy single? Why is it, that men can be happy single for as long as they want, but women can't?

Third, for women who are single and want a relationship terribly, this is basically rubbing salt in the wound. How cruel, right? Could you imagine what men would be like, if they were given the same treatment?

"She's gotta be desperate."

She doesn't want a Mr. Right Now, she needs a husband. Sound familiar? Yes, it does happen—but no, there's no reason to assume all single women are desperate. Many single women, believe it or not, are totally fine being single.

Moreover, a lot of people seem to think that all single women have a low self-esteem; which would, in turn, causes them to be desperate. Admittedly, if you're female and single due to constant rejection, you could develop low self-esteem.

Personally, I can't name how many guys assumed I was desperate and would fly towards them, vagina-first, because I said I was single. Yo, it doesn't work that way. That's not how you crush being single.

That being said, most single ladies don't have this problem. The fact is that assuming that women have low self-esteem, and telling them "you gotta be happy with yourself first," is probably hurting their confidence more than, you know, being single.

"Oh, she's gotta have something wrong with her, to be single at that age."

There's also a weird stigma of women being defective after a certain age—as if human beings have an expiration date on their worth. For the life of me, I never will understand why this seems to be a "women-only" stigma.

The truth is that there's nothing defective about single women, regardless of age. It can't just be that, you know, we get lucky in love or anything like that, right? Actually, yes, it can. It could just be that a girl enjoys the single life, or hasn't met the right person yet.

"It's clear that she's single because she's got unreachably high standards."

Why is it that there always has to be a reason why it's a woman's fault that she's single? Moreover, what's wrong with having standards? This is one of the worst stereotypes about single women, specifically because it faults women for actually being selective in who they want to spend the rest of their lives with.

A relationship is a big investment! A hedge fund manager would tell you that you need to do due diligence in any risky investment out there. If you believe someone's a bad investment, why would you stay with them? Just so society will be appeased?

"She's single because all she cares about is her career. Otherwise, she'd be married by now."

This is one of the worst stereotypes about single women, primarily because it's one of the most damaging out there. This is one of those stereotypes that can actually push a girl into poverty if she actually listens to it.

It is 2017.

Today, most households are dual income by default, and the reason why is because a single salary is no longer enough for most of us to survive on. Most marriages end in divorce, with a large percentage of women ending up in poverty, due to the fact that they can't make ends meet or find a job after years of being a housewife.

I want to point out something. Most women do want to get married. Many even want to be housewives. But, you can't really go out and meet people if you're homeless and unable to support yourself, can you? Moreover, how can you trust that you'll stay married forever?

You can't. Of course, you can't. So, single women have to work in order to keep themselves afloat—even if they would much rather be a stay-at-home wife.

Why is it that it's a bad thing for women to be self-reliant? Moreover, why is it that people assume financial independence means that women don't want love?

"After 30, she's no good. Doesn't look good anymore, and everyone's been there."

Once again, this goes back to the incredibly damaging concept that women have a "shelf life." This is just not true. There are women as old as 60 or 70 getting married out there, folks!

It's one of the worst stereotypes about single women, because it tends to put unneeded pressure on women to stay with someone unworthy just so that she can say she "avoided being single at 30."

"Single? Eh, she's probably bitter and burned out at that age."

Admittedly, I'm a good representation of what a bitter older (not)female would look like. I've been dating, and I found someone who is just as over it as I am. We treat each other well, and view out pending marriage as both a romantic relationship and a business partnership.

However, I'd be lying if I didn't say that I'm still angry about all the other horrible partners I had. I'd be lying if I didn't say he still feels angry about all the women who hurt him, too. We're both bitter, but we're bitter together, if that makes sense.

Honestly, though, if I was single, I'd be bitter and hateful. I understand these things happen. However, I'll be the first to say that I'm more of an exception than a rule, and that makes this one of the worst stereotypes about single women out there.

I've met single bitter women, and the funny thing is, they're actually doing well. They often have a lot higher levels of life satisfaction than their married-but-beleaguered counterparts. And, even if bitterness is there, it's not all-consuming.

That being said, the fact that women get bitter over men says more about the men than it does about the women. It generally takes a lot for a gender that's socialized to prioritize dating to get bitter to the point of giving up. Just saying.

"Oh, she's secretly unhappy and putting on a brave face."

Don't ask me why, but society really can't accept the fact that women can be happy and single at the same time. Even if they clearly see that a woman is leading a fulfilling life, some people still need to make the mental gymnastics to believe that she's sad.

This is one of the worst stereotypes about single women out there, simply because it reduces all of a woman's wants and needs into a checkbox of "Single" or "Taken." Women have more goals in life than having a man, and the fact that people can't see that is heartbreaking on so many levels, don't you think?

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About the Creator

Ossiana Tepfenhart

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of New Jersey. This is her work account. She loves gifts and tips, so if you like something, tip her!

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