Humans is powered by Vocal.
Vocal is a platform that provides storytelling tools and engaged communities for writers, musicians, filmmakers, podcasters, and other creators to get discovered and fund their creativity.
How does Vocal work?
Creators share their stories on Vocal’s communities. In return, creators earn money when they are tipped and when their stories are read.
How do I join Vocal?
Vocal welcomes creators of all shapes and sizes. Join for free and start creating.
To learn more about Vocal, visit our resources.Show less
I've been ghosted. You've been ghosted. Ghosted, ghosted, ghosted. In modern society, ghosting has become the "law of the West." The culture of ghosting is everywhere because we're all yellow-bellied individuals with no sense of integrity.
Everyone knows what ghosting is. It's incredibly disheartening that ghosting is, without a doubt, one of the ugliest, common dating behaviors that we've seen develop. It's that aggravating, insulting act of vanishing without a trace.
Generally speaking, ghosting is something that cowards and losers do exclusively. Haunting, on the other hand, is something a little more insidious. It's when someone breaks up with you, and then purposefully makes themselves known in your life in little, subtle ways.
Many haunters tend to make it a point of being in your periphery, just to make you feel uncomfortable. Haunting is a really subtle way to say, "I am better than you. I dropped you, but I won't let you forget it."
For others, haunting an ex is their way to put you "on hold," and then potentially return if things don't pan out with their new or first choice. Either way, it's a royally dick move.
Are you wondering if your ex is haunting you or trying to make you feel bad? Here's how to tell if you're being haunted after a recent breakup.
Your ex still watches your Snapchat.
Do you find evidence of your ex checking out your social media? Do you regularly see him watching your posts? If so, it's safe to say that your ex is haunting you. After all, if they're leaving evidence of viewing your posts, they're probably aware they're doing it.
You're probably wondering why your ex would still check out your snaps, and that's a pretty good question. Believe it or not, it's fairly common for people to ghost to "keep tabs" on the people they dump out of sheer curiosity—or to make sure that they made the right decision.
They won't delete you from social media... but they won't say anything either.
It takes a certain type of coward to be so skittish about confrontation that they can't even delete you off Facebook. Yet, haunters are this type of person. Or rather, they are the type of person who wants to make sure that you see them on social media, knowing you were just ghosted by them.
Do you find that your ex refuses to block you on Instagram or any other social media platform? Your ex is haunting you, and they are probably being a bit spiteful about it.
At times, they comment on your stuff or like your posts—even though they ghosted you and won't pick up your calls.
Confusing much? Oh, it happens. This is often a way that haunters tend to try to keep a "positive PR" image going on when they dump someone, and it messes with peoples' heads in ways that most people can't stand.
This way, the ghoster can make it seem like you two parted on "good terms," even though you likely didn't. Worse, if you call them out on their behavior, they are the ones who get to act like you're unreasonable.
It's hard to blame someone who has this happen to them for getting angry. The best way to deal with this kind of haunting is to read up one things to do after being ghosted. My personal favorite? Block them on social media... and maybe burn some sage when you radiate negativity.
They find ways to just be present near you.
Let's say that you recently got ghosted by a guy that you work with. If he was just a ghoster, he would simply just walk around the office to avoid you. This would also be at least (somewhat) respectful of you—I mean, kinda, not really, but you get my point.
If your ex is haunting you, they will make it a point of walking by your desk. They may even make eye contact with you, in that, "I know I ghosted. What are you going to do about it?" way.
They might zombie you, too.
Being a zombie, or a person who "unghosts" you, is a common reason why an ex might "haunt" someone. In fact, one of the signs that your ex really was haunting you deals with them reaching out later.
Here's the truth to what this means. They went out, they dated, they realized it wasn't working out with their top choice, and so now it's time to actually buckle down and go back to you.
So they reach out. They act like nothing's happened. You question them, and they get defensive or pretend like it's not a big deal. At this point, it's your job to tell them to kick rocks.
Your ex finds a reason to talk to others in your circle.
When you and your ex dated, you introduced them to your clique. You brought them around, asked friends what they thought, and they seemed pretty chill. Then, he ghosted you—but he didn't ghost your friends!
Generally speaking, if you're asking yourself if you're being haunted by your ex, there's a certain unspoken belief that they won't talk to your friends. It's a really scummy move. If your ex has started to get chummy with your friends though, your ex is definitely haunting you and just trying to make you uncomfortable.
Personally, I'd talk to your friends about what your ex did. Chances are, they'll drop him like a rock and he'll look like a fool for pulling this dick move.
Your ex almost makes it a point of showing off how happy he is without you—especially online.
I actually had this happen with some ghosters I dealt with, but they weren't my exes. They were people who were "friends" that decided I wasn't worth their time. And, worse, we were in a situation where I couldn't escape their presence.
It soon became clear that they wanted to haunt by making it clear how much fun they had without me. They'd openly talk about plans, giggle amongst each other, and just do little things to let me know that I was not one of them.
This was, of course, a power play, being cruel just because it feeds their egos. That being said, if your ex is haunting you and using this tactic, it's safe to say that you might be better off without him.
After you broke up with each other, your ex keeps popping up on your feed with their new boo.
A lot of haunters, particularly those who have a vindictive mindset, might ghost someone just so they can shock them with a new partner. It's their way of rubbing salt in the wound.
Does it look like your ex seems to go out of their way to flaunt a lover they ghosted you for? It could be that they have a chip on their shoulder dealing with their dating life, and that they're taking it out on you.
The one thing you need to do, if they're being this cruel, is to disarm them. Tell them how happy you are for them, and it'll assuredly take the wind out of their sails.
Though you don't talk, your ex seems to know your every move.
It's worth pointing out that haunting is a form of stalking. Your ex is following what you do, and they're probably doing it as a way to make you feel uncomfortable. Like stalking, it's a way people exert a form of control over others.
Did you hear about your ex discussing your whereabouts with others? Is he constantly aware of where you'll be? Your ex is haunting you, or stalking you, if this is the case.
You notice a lot of "almost" communication going on.
Your ex keeps looking at your social media updates. Sometimes, you even catch a "Typing..." showing up in your Instagram chats with him. When you see him, it almost seems like he's meaning to tell you something, but you can never be sure know what it will be about.
Sound familiar? If so, your ex is haunting you because they don't know how to properly suss things out with you. They may want to get back together, or they may want to just get the last word in. Either way, it's not worth your time.