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In our small world of men and women there lay a very tight string connecting us in relationships. Sometimes its a strong one, other times its easily frayed. There are some things that drive men absolutely crazy when it comes to women and our jigsaw minds. Others men simply don't understand. Sometimes the complexity makes them unwilling to even try.
No one likes a cheater, but men, in particular, don't like it. They feel like they are judged through the whole dating segment, and then thrown away like trash when they are cheated on by a woman. Some women can be brutal. Some women will have seven or eight men on stand by while they are dating one man. If he doesn't make the cut, she moves on to man number two. Sometimes she dates both men and then gets mad when she's challenged.
The point? Why should men put hard work, time and effort into a relationship that is just going to go belly up? Why should they open themselves up to emotion when the woman is just going to cheat on him?
Some women have made it very hard for men to commit. They already feel judged based on their looks, age, money, and job.
What can you do? Don't be a cheater. How can you reassure your possible date or boyfriend you won't cheat? Your track record and word of mouth will speak for itself. If you have a history of not doing what you say you're going to do, not keeping promises, other commitments or just generally showing lack of care or concern when it comes to important things, then you will not have very good luck.
Women have a type.
Hot women like hot guys. Ever heard of that stereotype? Well, apparently men think it's true. On dating apps, guys with hot pics get all the cute and hot girls. This leaves the overweight, less than average or unattractive men with the leftovers—the women the "alpha" guys had their fun with and tossed. Straight from the horse's mouth and onto this screen.
Often times marital status plays absolutely no role in the relationship. As in there are some women out there who don't care if a guy is married.
Guys feel left out, judged and overly scrutinized. You always go for the jock and then complain when he treats you badly. No, not all jocks treat women this way, and not all women act this way.
What can you do? Look past petty needs and look for something that will last. Money isn't everlasting and neither are looks. Everyone gets old, money can be lost, stolen or ill spent. Stop focusing on the surface and look deeper. You don't know it, but you might be passing up a really nice guy.
Women getting into catfights is annoying to a lot of men. No one denies that men also get into fights, but where men fight hard women fight dirty. Women are "mental ninjas," in the words of Dane Cook, and even worse when it comes to arguments. In a catfight, there are no rules, and sometimes they get downright messy. Men are embarrassed, they don't understand your need to one-up another girl who has absolutely nothing to do with you.
There is a large difference between your boyfriend saying you deserve to be treated like a queen/princess, and you making that declaration yourself or requiring it of your boyfriend/husband.
This queen mentality often relates to hypergamy which is when a man or woman trades up from his current spouse/boyfriend. Being treated like a queen is something you cannot claim outright. It only works if it's given to you, or earned. It's not something you can bestow upon yourself.
Being daddy's princess is something entirely different than labeling yourself one. As a woman, you should expect a certain level of treatment from a man, and he will also expect certain treatment. When you say to your date, "You better treat me like a queen...," what he hears is, "You better buy me lots of stuff and act like my servant." Even if that isn't what you mean, that is what he hears.
It's fine if you only want a rich guy to buy you things and worship the ground you walk on, just don't expect every guy to be up for that.
Gold Digger Mentality
Expensive weddings, quick engagement, and demanding brides are all something men find annoying too. They understand that you want everything to be perfect, but to those bridezillas out there, have you forgotten you need him for the wedding to even happen? You can't marry yourself. Screaming at everyone and being entitled about everything is causing your man grief and embarrassment.
Flip the scenes and try to understand how you would feel if you had to deal with a "groomzilla." It would make getting married a little less fun.
As for the wedding bit, just enjoy the process. The only one who is disappointed is you. A wedding is beautiful no matter what. Your fiancé means more.
Marrying a man for his money is shallow, telling him that you're marrying him for his money is even worse. Think about some of those women from 90 Day Fiancé. The ones who want the most expensive dresses, shoes, bags and all the material things they could want. They don't love the guy. They don't care that they don't love him. Having a gold digger attitude isn't going to get you the guy who will take care of you when you're sick. It will get you the guy who trades up for something hotter, tighter and younger than you. If you want quality over quantity, stop being that girl who only cares about money.
Love the gentlemen.
You should be loving the men who:
- Open Doors for you
- Offer to help with bags, groceries or anything.
- Let you order first
- Offer you their coat
Don't look at these things as bad, because they aren't. He knows you can get the door on your own, he knows you are strong enough to bring bags in, and keep yourself warm. He likes doing these things for you. He cares. When you throw a tantrum and challenge him, you are dismissing his attempts to show you he loves you or cares for you.
You are smacking him in the face for trying to do something caring. He's trying to be respectful. These are good qualities in men.
Now if he opens the door and then comments about how you couldn't open it, that is another story. The genuine men who open the door, smile at you and blush want you to know they really care about you.
Manners in Divorce
Ugh ... no one likes it. However, do you really have to nail him to the wall, then embarrass him and bleed him for money? If the guy is a jerk or an abuser that's an entirely different subject. If you divorce because you don't fit, love each other anymore or just move on, in general, it's not fair for you to benefit from everything and him nothing.
The good dads? Stop taking their kids and using them as leverage. Dads? Stop taking the kids and using them as leverage. Both sides shouldn't do this. Stop sniping each other, hurting each other's feelings and causing chaos and grief between you. That "yay" moment you feel when you've finally hurt him the right way, only lasts so long.
If he hasn't done anything to you, he doesn't deserve it.
A play slap on the arm, a pinch of the booty and tickle mania are all innocent things men and women do in a relationship. BUT ... when you start throwing slaps and fists around and then get all high and mighty when he gives you a slap? That really annoys men.
Here is something you might not know. Just because you are a woman, doesn't mean you get to slap your man around and get away with it. It doesn't matter if he cheated, stole something of yours or broke something, you don't have the right to use physical violence against him. He doesn't have the right to use physical violence against you. Neither of you has that right.
If you both used physical harm during your relationship your marriage won't be any different.
Defending yourself is an entirely different matter. If he throws the first punch/slap you have every right to defend yourself from harm. Same for the man.
Respect the phrase, "We don't start fights, but we sure do finish them."
Show your significant other the respect not to use your hands and instead use your words. The escalation can be diffused at any time in the early phases. Walk away, drive away or leave the premises. Go away and cool down. Don't revisit the issue until you are both calm.
Women ... DO NOT follow your man. If he says he needs time to calm down leave him alone. If you continue to pester him, degrade him, humiliate him and push him with words, insults, and threats; and he reacts violently you have no one to blame but your own self.
Men hate it when women won't let them talk. Or when men start to say something and the woman disagrees, interrupts then won't let him finish. Men have every right to talk about every subject. You cannot block his ability to speak. Doing that will for sure leave you lonely and without a man.
You don't need a man? That's fine. If you continue this behavior though, you won't have to worry about it.
In the same way, women want to express their opinions and have them heard, men want the same thing. They want their opinions to be taken into consideration and responded to intelligently.
You can make whatever arguments you want, defend your opinion, block him but it won't help you get or keep a man. It certainly won't help your reputation. Men talk to each other about bad women, mean women and women who have wronged them. They warn each other to stay away. You behave badly enough or demean him bad enough, you might even earn a nickname amongst him and his friends.
Treating your man like dirt, trash or a nuisance is practically begging him to run away from you.
There are women who suffer from emotional or mental stress who cannot control their emotions because of the trauma they experienced as children or young adults. In those cases, they have to work extra hard and explain everything very well to their partners. Especially their "triggers" and no, not when Trump comes on TV or when your friend says something you don't like.
A true trigger will relate back to a traumatic and emotional memory that can cause displacement and cause them to revert back to the time of the trauma. In these cases, men proceed with caution and listen closely to the psychiatrists opinions. Women, be up front if you have mental or emotional instability. Let men know this is an issue for you.
For example, when I broke up with my abusive boyfriend, anytime the house creaked, or I heard what sounded like a door open, I had to get up check all the locks, turn on all the lights and check every room. To this day I still don't like complete darkness and I get severe anxiety when I'm alone and in the dark. Even with a flashlight.
Another time, I was at my fiancé's house and his door creaked open from the wind. I thought someone was opening the door. It caused my anxiety to spike and I had a good 20 minutes where I couldn't stop my heart from beating hard. Over the past couple of years, I've learned the early signs of when these things can occur. In those instances, I've found certain songs, sounds, and ASMR that help distract me and focus on other things.
In a relationship, these can be strenuous and if you're not prepared or willing to handle these types of situations there is no shame in saying so.
Don't be offended.
Don't take any of these things offensively, but rather constructively. Think about whether you do some of these things. If you don't, then you have been perfectly polite. The most important thing is not to generalize and this article does not speak for all men.
It is a good thing to talk to your boyfriend/husband though, get his opinions on things, listen and then seriously take them into consideration.
This is a learning curve we all get on at some point. We all have behaviors that could be changed or improved—men and women alike.
Men are starting to shy away from commitment. What do they have to look forward to? Nasty divorce, getting treated like crap before they are dumped for a hotter, richer guy? We all need to start investing in marriage again, start making marriage something to aspire to. Companionship with the one you love forever is taken so lightly that forever turns into one year. If something doesn't work before marriage, it won't work after marriage.
Good luck and may you walk the road less traveled.