10 Things You Are Sick of Hearing When People Find out You're Gay

I know you've heard all these a million times. There's no time or patience to explain to everyone why these questions and comments are inappropriate, so you might as well have some fun with it and start thinking of some clever responses... After all, you ARE going to hear these again.

1. 'You don't look gay?'

"Oh sorry, just give me a second to dress into something a little more stereotypical. Straight people need to be able to spot gay people."

Better yet, answer a question with another question: "What do gay people look like?" or "You don't look straight."

2. 'Can I set you up with my gay friend?'

Best response I've heard was, "Sweetie, I've probably already hooked up with your friend."

You can also just a flat out "No!"

3. 'Wait, so who's the man in the relationship?'

If you're a lesbian and your girlfriend is there, turn to your girlfriend and ask, "Are you a man? I thought I was gay?!" Make sure to sound genuinely afraid too.

Otherwise, you can reply with something snarky like, "Which half of the pretzel is mac and cheese?" or better yet..."Which half of the pretzel is the penis?"

4. 'When did you know you were gay?'

This is a good opportunity to make up a fun story! Something like, "There was a rainbow that appeared on my front door step and led me to a gathering of other people who were all about to be declared gay. It was a magical experience."

The standard response, however, is just, "When did you find out you were straight?"

5. 'When did you come out?'

Also another good opportunity for a fake story. Say you came out while climbing Mount Everest... and that you came out to a mermaid... who was on Mount Everest?

6. 'Why are all the hot ones gay?'

"They're not. They are just telling you they're gay so you will leave them alone."

I've never heard anyone use that line, but I really hope it gets used more often.

7. 'You're my gay best friend!/ Will you be my gay best friend?'

"What's in it for me?"

"Do I get paid for that title?... No really, are there dental benefits?"

8. 'Are you sure you're gay?'

If they are really shy, then lean in romantically and ask, "Want to help me find out?"

"Don't worry. Either way, you aren't my type."

"The doctor tested my blood and everything. Science doesn't lie."

9. 'It's illegal to be gay in other countries!'

"Good thing I don't live there" is usually the first thing I think of.

A better one would be, "Is it illegal to be annoying in other countries too?"

10. 'Can we go to a gay club?'

If you really want, you can remind them of the shooting in Orlando. See if they still want to go then.

Otherwise just say, "The club we just left was a gay club..."

Keep living life.

People are going to be shitty no matter what. Don't let it bring you down. If you have to deal with this kind of stuff anyway, you might as well make a game out of it. Like, mark a tally every time you hear and compare scores with someone. Winner gets a free coffee! :P

In all seriousness, no matter the annoying question or comment, you can always just avoid giving a straight answer.

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