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10 Things You Should Never Say To Your Wife

Under any circumstances, ever.

It doesn't matter whether you're a man married to a woman, or a woman married to a woman, there are some things you should never say to your wife. For two reasons, one because it's rude and mean and two, you will start an argument that is quite frankly just not worth it.

1. You Have Put On a Few Pounds

I'll start with the obvious, you should never tell a woman she has gained weight, it doesn't matter if she asked you and don't give me any of that "I'm just being honest" B.S. lie. If she has gained a little bit of weight, lie to her and tell her she hasn't, let her know she looks more beautiful than ever.

2. You Need To Get Your Roots Done

You may as well have just told her "you look like trash, make more of an effort to be pretty for me." She will take care of her roots when she wants to, maybe she is trying to give her hair a break, maybe she wants to grow her hair out. You don't know, and you don't need to know.

3. Don't You Think It's Time You...

If it's time, she'll do it. The reason she hasn't done it is because it isn't time yet! It's not hard to understand.

4. Is That What You're Wearing?

Is she wearing it? Then yes, that is what she is wearing. Don't try and understand her fashion choices, I don't understand my wife's and she doesn't understand mine. Just accept that is what she is going to wear, it doesn't matter if you don't like it, she likes it.

5. If You Really Loved Me You Would...

If you really loved her you would stop talking, don't ever try to guilt trip someone into doing something that they are not comfortable with. Using love as a bargaining chip is a one way ticket to divorce.

6. You're Really Moody

The chances are if she is moody, she knows and she doesn't need to be reminded of it by you. Don't tell her she's grumpy, ask her what's wrong, try to get to the bottom of it rather than just pointing out the obvious.

7. Is It Your Hormones?

Male or female, you will be torn limb from limb. I don't know why people react so badly to this question, probably because it's kind of intrusive. But either way, women don't like it, so don't ask. Besides, it might not be, women have genuine reasons for being in a bad mood other than their hormones, don't be so patronizing.

8. Calm Down

Technically this doesn't just apply to women, but you should never say it to anyone really, ever. It has the opposite effect and causes someone to become even more enraged, again I don't know why, but it does. "Calm down" only tends to work on children, not adults.

9. I'll Get My Mum To Do It

Basically, this implies your mum is better at woman stuff than your wife. If your wife has offered to do it, let her! If not then ask your mum by all means, but don't rub it in your wife's face!

10. I Didn't Notice

If your wife gets a haircut, new outfit, fake tan or whatever and you don't notice, that's not a crime, sometimes these things slip under the radar. But if she asks you about it, don't tell her you didn't notice, this implies you're not paying attention, tell her it looks great, whatever it is. The same applies for when she gets a haircut and it looks no different, it doesn't matter, just tell her it looks great.

Of course, not every woman is the same and some of these things might not even remotely irritate your wife, but I genuinely believe that when it comes to women, it's better to be safe than sorry. 

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