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1. Face the situation
You have probably discovered infidelity through various suspicions that have led you to inquire as to whether it might be happening; or in a way that was not expected to happen, by finding the evidence by surprise.
Sometimes, the finding leaves us so astonished that we are afraid to confront our partner with what we have discovered because of the consequences that we will inevitably know there will be from that moment on.
Take some time to meditate and, above all, to calm your emotions. It is important that when you fell yourself ready to face the situation!
2. Talk to your partner
It is important to be able to establish as rational a dialogue as possible, despite the strong emotions that may be aroused.
Therefore, it is necessary to find the right moment and the right place without forcing things, and giving time to time.
When both parties are ready for this dialogue, it is necessary to clarify what has happened.
Try to express your emotions in the best possible way. Let him understand how you feel and how you understand the situation, but also let your partner express himself, and explain his perception of the facts and his reasons for having carried out the infidelity.
Resolve your doubts, but do so without invading the space of the other.
3. Don't feel guilty
It's not your fault your partner cheated on you.
This was a free decision made by your partner. Infidelity can have many causes, such as a lack of responsibility for the relationship on the part of the partner who commits it, impulsivity, lack of control of desire...
However, it may also be that some aspects of your relationship have been influenced; and although nothing justifies an infidelity, you are both responsible for how your relationship was.
4. Clarify things
If a relationship is based on fighting for common goals, it is important to rethink what those goals were or are, what you expect from each other, what may have failed, what you are looking for in a relationship, and make it clear on which points you agree and in which you have different visions.
5. Accept what happened
Accepting that an infidelity has occurred, that our idol has fallen from the pedestal, the disappointment of thinking about all the plans shared with what has just happened, is undoubtedly a very hard step.
However, there is no choice but to accept that it has happened.
6. Seek support
Right now, it is very important to surround yourself with people who love you and in whom you can trust.
They can help you get through the hard times and offer you some advice if they know your relationship well.
However, be careful and treat the subject with delicacy and confidentiality; and remember that, in the end, you are the one who has that relationship and the decision lies on you.
Do relaxing activities and be distracted. You may want to consult a professional who can help you analyze your situation and put your ideas in order to make the best decision.
7. Forgive or forget
It may be that, after the act of infidelity, the trust between you has been completely broken, and that you do not see the possibility of continuing the relationship without the wounds interfering in the day to day; and therefore, you consider that it is better not to continue with the relationship.
The final decision to make is a very personal matter that only you can assess according to the balance you make, and can depend on many factors such as what kind of infidelity has occurred, if it has been something punctual or something prolonged in time, if it has been purely sexual or also emotional, or the amount of time you spent together and the things you share.
If you decide to forgive, you may eventually see that the experience of this hard experience has actually helped you get to know each other better and your respective needs.
After all, no one is perfect, and making our mistakes known without being censured, despite the disappointment that this may imply in the people around us, can be beneficial in the long run.
8. Rebuild the relationship
If you decide to continue the relationship, you have to assume that the past is past.
Therefore, everything that needs to be talked about must be made clear so that it interferes with the future of your relationship as little as possible.
The relationship has to be rethought and restarted, re-establishing a new commitment, under renewed premises that both of you must know.
9. Take care of your self-esteem
In the first moments of knowing infidelity, it is very important that you dedicate time to do things that you like, that you give yourself some whims, that you realize what you are worth, and that you see the whole of your life beyond your relationship as a couple.
However, there is good news: Several studies have found that people who have suffered some infidelity enjoy greater self-esteem and that this has led to greater personal growth.
10. Your priority is you
You are the center of your life, and you can decide within what you can how you want it to be.
The actions that others do are not just up to you, they are not under your control, and that is a reality that we have to accept, as well as the reason why we should stop blaming ourselves and taking too much responsibility, as long as we consider that we have acted in the best possible way.
After all, you are more than any of the relationships you have with people around you, and that is something you should never question.
That's why it's very important to know yourself well, to know what makes you happy and what hurts, to know what you need and give yourself what's best for you.