10 Ways to Keep Your Love Life Fresh After Kids

When you first met your partner, they were your everything. You dated, you romanced, and you had all the time in the world for each other. They were your number one.

And then, kids happened.

As much as you love your partner, your kids can and will demand a lot of attention, time, effort, and money. When being a parent, it's not uncommon to have your kids become your number one priority. All things considered, it's not surprising that many parents feel pushed aside by spouses once kids are in the mix.

Though you do love your kids, you also need to remember to love the person you made them with. Sometimes, it can be hard to keep your love life fresh after kids. That's why this advice is a must-read for any new parent.

Don't be afraid to ask others to babysit.

It's becoming increasingly common for parents to feel guilty about parting with their kids for even as little as a couple of hours. Blame toxic parenting culture for it or just hormones that have run amok, but whatever the causes are, it's important to realize that it's not healthy to be glued to a kid for so long.

You, as an adult, need time away from the kids. Your partner, as an adult, needs time away from the kids. You two can spend that time away from kids together, and even if it is doing something as simple as just napping or going out to eat, it will make a huge difference.

You can't really keep your love life fresh after kids if you don't take time away from them. It's okay, and in fact, healthy, for them to spend time with other people.

So, call up a babysitter and keep up a date night. If you can, ask other parents to babysit once a week, then offer them the same service. Chances are they will be happy to oblige.

Master the art of the quickie.

Kids take time, but that doesn't mean that you can't enjoy a bit of adult fun. Make it a point to learn how to have sex after kids, whether that be in tight places, or having some intimate time really quickly. It adds a little extra thrill to your love life, and helps ensure that your partner remains satisfied.

Little sneaky sex sessions do a lot more than most other tricks to keep your love life fresh after kids. Sex is a "use it or lose it" instinct. By keeping things sexual, getting intimate will remain an easy feat.

Understand that it's okay to put your partner first.

I'm going to get so much flak for this, but it's something that really helps keep your relationship alive. As much as society may tell you that your children come first, it's important to acknowledge your partner's role in the family.

Your partner was there before kids and are now there with kids. There are a number of ways how your relationship will change after kids, even sometimes resulting in a divorce if you're not careful. If your partner is neglected, they will not be there for too much longer. Neglecting your partner is a good way to ensure the family you have won't be together for much longer.

By prioritizing your partner, you give them reasons to stay. By offering a healthy, happy marriage with two positive and supporting parents, you're also giving your kids a very rare gift these days: a healthy relationship role model.

So, you're probably wondering how this keeps your love life fresh after kids. That's actually pretty simple. You can't keep something fresh if it no longer exists.

Do nice things for your partner, just because.

One time, I went into a grocery store and bought flowers for my partner. The florist asked me what the reason was, and seemed very perplexed when I asked why a reason would be needed.

With love, it's the little things that matter the most. Getting up and going to the store to buy a bouquet of roses for them is the kind of stuff that keeps them appreciative of you.

Practice gratitude, even for the small things.

Parenting is hard, folks. It takes a ton of work and time from both parents—and in many cases, all that hard work goes unnoticed from the other partner in the relationship. When people aren't being thanked for things, they start to get taken advantage of.

So, thank your partner. Even for little things, like taking out the garbage or getting the kids to clean their room. You'll be surprised at what a huge difference a little thanks can make.

Give your partner the day off.

In many relationships, one parent does more work than the other. You can usually tell which partner it is because said partner tends to be more stressed, regularly complains of overwork, and may even beg their partner for some rest.

Do them a favor, and take the kids for a while. Give them a day to recover from the hassles and stressors of parenting—even if it means spoiling the kids by taking them to Six Flags for the day.

Trust me when I say that your partner will thank you, and will also remember why they fell for you in the first place.

It's hard to keep things alive after kids, period. It's even harder if you've let yourself fall into a rut. This goes for everything from sex positions to date ideas to how you show your affection for one another.

Sure, it's okay to do what works occasionally, but it's never cool to end up doing the same thing on repeat. Repetition is boring. Boredom causes people to stray or just plain lose interest in their partners.

If you don't know where to begin with your experimentation, try Kama Sutra. Or, if you're looking for a more G-rated option, consider doing something that's not your normal date night, like a karaoke bar.

Learn to go from "parent mode" to "spouse mode."

Being an awesome parent is great. It's fun to know that you can do 50 million things at once, bake a tart, and also somehow scream at the bitchy soccer mom during a PTA meeting. Great as parent mode is, it's not sexy.

Hard as it may be to do, you need to learn to switch that side of you off. You need to remember that you're also a sexual being. You're a lover! Learn to turn that side of you on when you're around your partner. You'll find it way easier to keep things fresh after kids if you do.

Act like a high schooler.

You remember how flirtatious you were when you were in high school, or how exciting PDA was? If you're like me, you couldn't get enough of that stuff. The easiest way to make sure your relationship stays good after you have kids is to channel that same energy back into your relationship.

Even if your kids go, "EWW! Mom's kissing Dad!" it will be worth it. Good vibrations feed into each other, and that makes for a much happier, warmer relationship.

Finally, embrace yourself, your partner, and self-care.

I'm not going to lie; your partner won't be the same person they were when you first started dating. That's okay, though—neither are you! Part of being able to keep your love life fresh after kids is to learn to love yourself, your partner, and your relationship, in all their flaws.

As you grow together, you'll continue to learn about each other and how you develop. By making self-care a priority, you'll be able to foster the growth between you, as partners, and your family. That's the beauty of a long-term relationship.