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Nowadays, we are inundated with social media expectations of relationships. The normalisation of the "psycho" partner, cheating, and pressuring young adults — barely past their 18th birthday to find the love of their life, because if they don’t then they will be alone forever. But then, then we stumble across the hero’s of the internet — our saviours in a dark time, they write articles and lists upon lists that tell us how we have to be in love (hypocritical, I know… But bare with me.) But why can’t they be subjective? Or HEALTHY? So, here is MY 15 signs you’re actually in a healthy relationship…
1. One day to one year… Nothing changes.
You’re still as comfortable with one another as you were when you first got together. You still flirt endlessly, you look forward to seeing one another after being apart for certain amounts of time, they never fail to make you smile with the little things.
2. Tacky "firsts" do not mean a thing.
The first fart. The first time you’re seen without make-up. The first time seeing each other drunk. The first time you don’t shave for them. The first time you shit in their toilet. Why does any of it matter? They’re not milestones, they’re unimportant. Why do we deny ourselves the right to basically bodily functions in the name of love? No guy I’ve ever met has been worth holding back a burp or turning down a big, fat kebab in an attempt to look ladylike. Take me for my gassy, bloated self or don’t take me at all.
3. You never get butterflies.
I know they say that you’re supposed to get that anxious feeling in your stomach when you lay eyes on the one that you love, but frankly that isn’t the case at all. Instead, relaxation will wash over you. Every trouble or worry you have had up until that moment shouldn’t matter — even if it is just for one second. Your significant other acts as a counterbalance in your life, someone who’s there to assist take the pain away — so why would they cause feelings of unease?
4. They have no say in your life.
They can, and most likely will, offer guidance when it comes to decisions you need to make but remember that when it all boils down to the basics — it is YOUR life. Their word isn’t gospel and they don’t expect you to take it as such.
5. They don’t agree with you, but they support you.
Every single human being that walks the planet earth has opinions, and while yours may be similar to your significant others, they won’t be exactly the same. There will be times that a choice needs to be made, or a topic/situation will arise between the two of you and your opinions on the matter won’t match up — but that’s okay because you can acknowledge and support each other's arguments.
6. You don’t have to text ALL. THE. TIME.
You have your own lives. Give each other some space. ‘Nuff said…
7. There’s nothing better than comfortable silence.
As the wise Mia Wallace once said; “Why do we feel it’s necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable? That’s when you know you’ve found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence,” and unlike most things Tarantino has come up with, this is one I like to embrace. You can enjoy one another’s company while you do completely different things. It does not mean you’re fizzling out, it just means you’re COMFORTABLE.
8. You’re not afraid to try new things.
Sure, you both know what you like and you both know what each other likes — but what’s wrong with a little trial and error? Worst case scenario, you’ll have something to laugh about in a few days. C’mon. Live a little!
9. It’s okay to need a break from one another.
We all enjoy our own company and there’s nothing wrong with that. You both understand that and appreciate the little moments you have to yourself — whether you use that time to be productive, to have a little lazy time to yourself or spend time with other people. You know you don’t need to be around each other 24/7.
10. They are a best friend.
Of course they are. You hate to sound cliché but that’s just the way it is. You tell each other everything, have endless amounts of inside jokes and stories. They’re not just a boy/girlfriend. Face it.
11. You don’t need to tell each other you love one another.
Not in those exact words anyway, it can be little gestures or phrases. Asking them how their day was, making them a drink when you make your own, buying them a little something that reminds you of them. Anything. Your affections can be projected thousands of times each day without breaking into a Shakespeare worthy sonnet.
12. Sometimes, you know them better than they know themselves.
You know just what they need, even when they can’t gather their thoughts to work it out. You know when to hold them, what to say and how to say it. You remind them not to wear their really nice shirt out because they’re a little clumsy after a couple of sambucas. You know exactly what take-out they’re craving when they can’t pinpoint it themselves. It’s just a sixth sense, maybe?
13. No matter how big or small the achievement may be, you’re always proud of them.
Watching your partner grow and progress towards absolutely anything is such a warming experience. From as little as getting over a small fear to getting a place in their dream University, you’re so happy for them and you love to see them work towards their dreams.
14. You find comfort in the little things.
Going food shopping together, sleeping next to each other, grabbing lunch before one of you has work. All of it adds up and reminds you just how happy you are.
15. You CAN imagine your life without them, but you hope you don’t have to.
Your life doesn’t depend on your relationship with them and you understand that sometimes, shit happens and you can’t carry on being with someone. You take things day by day and appreciate every moment you have with the person — but there’s nothing wrong with having hope that this one will last.