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This year, my spouse and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary, our 15th meeting anniversary.
A lot of things are happening during this time. How do we know if our relationship was going to last that long and if it is going to last longer? In fact, we didn't know it, but something inside us made us believe that we would have several years together.
As I am a very loyal type of person and he is looking for so long for a stable and faithful family, we both wanted time to keep us together.
There have been very dark periods when we have been looking for valid reasons to stay together, other than the presence of the three children. We had periods of total failure where communication was nil, feelings were totally mixed and the desire to destroy everything and start a new life elsewhere, far from everything that had already been seen...But at the same time, why live these difficult moments to leave and start over elsewhere. Instead, we had the desire to fight and cling to the one and only idea that we were once well together and that we wanted to be well together again for the next few years.
I always told my boyfriend that for me he was a family member like a brother or a father, in the sense that you don't change a family member just because he makes you angry. We get angry, we sulk, at best it doesn't last too long and then there is reconciliation and the foundations become more and more solid.
It's once again, I think, because we both want it, because otherwise, the boat would have capsized years ago.
My partner comes from a completely dysfunctional family, where abuse and violence had a big place. While I come from an environment that I call, sometimes with embarrassment, perfection. I have nothing to blame for my childhood. I've had all the steps a child in books has to go through. I grew up without missing anything, I had all the experiences safely and always surrounded by the support of my parents and older brothers. While I was enjoying life, he was looking for a way to survive. He was abused for those in whom he should have been able to have full confidence. He grew up with rage and fighting strength, while I never feared for my life.
Life is not the same for anyone, which means, I believe, that many do not survive as a couple. Because they must put their values aside to share the same point of view as a person who has none of the baggage we have carried on our shoulders since birth.
For a long time, I had no confidence in his opinion because for me it was impossible for him to know how to make a child's life safe. For me, it was impossible that such a troubled family could have instilled something good in him...He had to fight to prove to me that he had a vision of a life of his own, and even though I was coming out of a childhood worthy of a fairy tale, I didn't have the science behind it. He had to confront me as he did all his life to convince me of the good in him. He had tons of demons in him to confront in addition to convincing me of the validity of his convictions.
We could have said no to all those difficult years of crying and jealousy for all those people around us who had chosen to put an end to the complications and go have fun without a future. We fought. Beaten to death! Proving to each other the strength that lies within us and that will be there to allow us to fight in tough times.
I don't know what the future holds for us. I'm in no hurry to know. But I am sure that if one day our paths are divided it will be by choice and by abandonment.