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26 and Still Up in the Dating Life Mix…Wait, How Do I Date?

Will I be single forever?

By Ngo dont goPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Okay okay, I know I'm not the only one. You get on Instagram and five pictures in, I lied, maybe two, someone out there just got engaged! And in the back of your mind, it's always the one person you least expected. Then you're like damn, when am I ever gonna get engaged or married? Onto the next social media of Snapchat because you just realized after scrolling after so many photos on Instagram you realize you started to compare your life and demean yourself for a moment (while also being jealous of everyone's travel pics). Snapchat is cool and all, but it tends to be the same stuff. Someone is out eating, someone is at the gym, someone out there is taking selfies or on some random adventure. But then oh wait, there it is, your friends are out somewhere and you just felt like you weren't invited. The loneliness feeling continues to build. After two hours of scrolling, your eyes are tired and the feeling of missing out and being utterly alone just resides internally. Ahhh, the single life. The life where it is fun because you don't have to tell anyone where you are but sometimes it just feels like there is a void. Maybe it's because ever since we were young the thought of having to be with a significant other was ingrained in our minds.

I am one of those people who strongly believe that dating is just so hard to do. I've tried the online dating apps such as Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel but it just didn't feel authentic. I've tried meeting the blind date that a friend set up but there was no chemistry and everything just felt so forced. You almost feel like there is an expectation to feel something after the first date because it's your friend's friend and also because you don't want to be the asshole that said you weren't feeling the date. I've done the hooking up with the best friend on the down low but never turned it into a relationship. The longest relationship I've ever had was one year and my best relationship ever was six months. I've placed myself in so many situations to meet new people but it just feels like nothing ever worked for long. I go hiking, go to car meets, spend time at coffee shops, do yoga, go to book stores, attend dance shows and concerts and open mic's, basically almost any random situation you can think of. I am not an introvert; I do believe I can vulnerably place myself in situations to meet people. But at 26, I find myself still single. I have had those thoughts, those thoughts that make you feel like maybe something is wrong with you. I have even compared myself to all my middle classmates and have come to find that I was the only one who wasn't in a serious relationship. Gawd, I've had so many low points because of this and go back and forth with a positive and pessimistic attitude. For some reason, it's not a big deal in the long run, but it continues to be a recurring thought.

Don't get me wrong, it's not the only thing I focus on and I do still have confident days. Sometimes, I'm like heck yeah I'm single and I have NOTHING holding me back. No one is telling me I can't move out anywhere, no one is telling me I can't hangout with that person; literally no restrictions. I'll even have days where I love the outfit I'm wearing and can feel like anyone could be lucky to have me. And I also tell myself I'm not even ready to get married yet so why not enjoy the single life and adventure.

But it's like I want this so bad, I want to feel like I have a best friend who will be there and love me. Is that really what I'm missing? Is there a psychological aspect to all this where my brain has a chemical reaction and makes me think I need another person always next to me? A love partner is not required but my mind is set to think and feel like I do. Shoot, my mom even joked to me once and wished I'd be single forever like my aunt. I've even seen girls who move from relationship to relationship and it still boggles my mind on how a person can do that. Like when I got out of a relationship, I always needed my own separate space from dating anybody else and just my alone time to recuperate.

I don't know. I've used it all, all the cliche sayings to help me be patient and not have high expectations. Don't go looking for love, let it come to you. Work on yourself and be happy so that way someone can see how you glow. It'll happen when you least expect it. It's alright to be picky. Love yourself first before you can love anyone else. Blah blah blah. Bitch I've been working on myself for the past several years. It's time to learn how I can be with a person when they're always there. There's more components I want to work on that I can't just do alone.

Anyways, I guess I was writing this just to hope that someone out there feels just as I do as this age and can relate. And don't get me started on DMs and private messaging on Facebook and how people hit on each other current day. OVER IT. Oh and falling for someone who looks older but turns out to be way younger cause of this goddang current generation who grows up too fast. Dating is hard, dating sucks, what the fuck is dating?

Can I just fall in love yet?

Signed by,

B-loved wanderer

single
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