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Have you ever known someone or had a friend that was in a relationship that you knew just wasn’t going to work out? You could tell by the way your friend would tell you about their problems. But just how is it that we know when a relationship is meant to work out or not? What is it in us that could tell something so obvious but the two people involved are oblivious to it? Is it perspective perhaps? Most would say it is. But let me ask you this: Have you ever been in a relationship where everyone around you knew it wasn’t going to work but you were oblivious to it? It happens. There are some key red flags to look out for when in a relationship with someone. It’s difficult to know what to look out for because all relationships are unique but all relationships that don’t work out have some things in common.
1.Communication is not where it should be.
Relationships are complex. Two people have to both be on the same level in so many aspects of life in order to make a relationship work. A relationship requires both partners to be good at communicating. If one of them is not good at it, that will jeopardize the whole relationship. You see, communicating means talking and listening. If one person in the relationship doesn’t know how to communicate or express their feelings, it doesn’t matter how good the other person in the relationship is at communicating. It doesn’t matter because the person lacking communication skills will never be able to fully grasp or understand what their partner is trying to tell them. The person lacking communication skills will never be able to fully express their thoughts and feelings to their partner which in turn will cause their partner to never receive the full affection and appreciation that their partner may feel towards them, causing more unbalance and future problems for them. It is important that both people in a relationship are aware of where their communication levels are before entering a relationship with one another.
2. People don't change.
As humans, we are afraid of change but are experiencing it every day of our lives. Change is part of being human is necessary to grow and evolve as a person. One common thing all these relationships destined to go bad have in common is that there is always someone in the relationship that does not want to change. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to hear someone tell me over and over how their significant other won't change something. They tell me enough times that I get so tired of hearing that I wonder to myself “doesn’t their partner get tired of hearing this? Surely I am and I just have to hear about it.” The conclusion I can come to is that people change for who they want to. The reality of it is when those people break up the person will change for their next partner. The only reason they didn’t change before is because they realized their partner would tolerate that behavior. The partner resisting change got “used to” the other partner. They take their partner for granted and their partners word don’t mean anything to the person resisting change. This in turn leads to our next topic.
3. Anyone In The Relationship Feeling Under Appreciated or Alone
Before I go on any further, let's take a pulse check of where we are at. After those first two reasons, some of you may be feeling some of those reasons may be hitting a little too close to home. If you are reevaluating your relationship, I don’t blame you. It’s important to realize these things while you can still do something about it. What ultimately seals the fate of the relationship is when someone is feeling under-appreciated. Because up until this point you put up with all the red flags over and over and over again. The other person never changed. If the other person's response to you telling them you are sad or not feeling well is to get mad or angry or frustrated at you for feeling like that, its safe to say its time to move on. The breaking point will always be someone feeling under-appreciated or alone in a relationship. That’s when it is only a matter of time before something happens where you will say enough. I’m tired of feeling like this. It's only logical someone begins to feel under-appreciated under those circumstances. If those are the circumstances, the best thing is for that person to realize what the reality of the situation is. No one should ever feel alone in a relationship. The other two reasons only point you in the same direction. Your partner does not value you enough to change, they do not value you enough to learn to communicate and express themselves to you. It is ok to believe that there is someone out there better for you. Because to keep it real, there’s someone out there who will make your partner be the partner you could never make out of them. It’s important to remember that the perfect partner is not made but found, so you have to cut your losses and keep on looking.
Now it's not to say people can't work around these problems if they exist in their relationships. But it is important for people to take note of red flags showing up in their relationships. The best thing anyone can do is try and address these problems with their partner as soon as the problem arises. If things are already past the point of no return then it is best for you to begin thinking about your next move. Because face it, if you were your friend, you'd tell yourself to lose the person your with and get with someone that is right for you. It's hard to face reality, especially when it means realizing your partner isn't the one for you. Think of your relationship as a learning experience. Now you know more about what you like and don't like in your partners.