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Whether you’re looking for Mr. Right, or really only interested in Mr. Right Now, for the moment, it goes without saying that dating as a gay, bi, or queer man can be pretty frustrating. Not only do gay men have to deal with all the same hurdles straight people do, but they’re often thrown a few extra curve balls for good measure.
Resist the urge to simply give up though, no matter how appealing swearing off men forever may seem after a truly bad date. The key to gay dating success is to know how to handle some of the most likely challenges you’ll face while you’re out there playing the field. The following are some great examples.
1. Good Old-Fashioned Jealousy
We know jealousy isn’t a good look on anyone in this day and age, but sometimes it’s hard to help it. Some people are more sensitive than others, while others are simply hard-wired to get a little green-eyed from time to time. The fact that a lot of gay men are touchy-feely by nature doesn’t exactly help matters, but what’s a guy to do if he knows he’s the jealous type?
The key here is to learn how to talk yourself down when you feel that old familiar jealous feeling coming on. What are you really worried about? Is it that your date won’t choose you, or that a partner will cheat on you? Try simply being open about what’s bothering you, and talking it out with your guy. Together, the two of you can figure out a solution that works for both of you.
2. Life in the Closet
Dating a gay man who’s still in the closet brings a whole mess of dating obstacles to the table all by itself. In a way, it requires the person who’s not closeted to go back to living as if they are, which is difficult, to impossible at times. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not worth giving things a try if you think you’ve found someone really special though.
Just understand that no relationship can last for long under those circumstances. Eventually, the closeted person will have to face the music, and come out. The other partner should definitely be patient and supportive, but should also make it clear that living life in the open, as who you both really are is something that not only needs to happen sooner or later, but is ultimately for the best.
3. Sexual Differences
Sometimes you totally like each other, but you can’t quite get on the same page sexually for whatever reason. People may have differing sex drives, or like completely different things in bed. Sometimes you realize that you’re both bottoms, or both tops, with neither of you particularly interested in switch-hitting. It’s an issue to be sure, because sex is really important, but it doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. By the way, here are 10 quick tips for being a better top, and everything you need to know about bottoming like a pro!
As with many other issues, the key to overcoming this one is mature communication, because there are lots of possible solutions. Many couples simply decide to compromise, and step out of their comfort zones once in a while in the interests of keeping each other happy and satisfied. However, other guys decide an open relationship is a better solution for them. There are no wrong answers here. Only answers that don’t work for either, or both of you, as individuals.
4. Monogamy vs Non-Monogamy
That brings us to our next obstacle–whether or not your relationship with someone new you’re dating should be exclusive and monogamous, or not. Here in the 21st century, monogamy is far from the only option when it comes to relationships. More and more people are stepping into the now, and embracing other possibilities, so it’s not uncommon for couples not to agree on which approach is best.
If you truly can’t find a compromise that works for both of you, it might be a deal breaker, but it doesn’t have to be. Many couples start out exclusive, but decide later on down the road that going the open route is better, or vice versa. Just talk it out. Maybe decide on a situation “for now” that will change at some point down the line. Again, there are no wrong answers, so long as they work for you.
5. Age Differences
Gay couples tend to find it easier to overcome age gaps than straight couples do, but they can still be a problem. If you’re both at similar stages in your lives though, it’s not an insurmountable one. Some gay couples also adopt a daddy/son-style twist to their relationship that works for both of them, and that’s OK too. Focus on the common ground between the two of you, and it shouldn’t be too hard to move forward. Age really is just a number, but only if the two of you allow it to be.