5 Drama-Free Tips for Ending a Fling

Ideally speaking, casual relationships and flings develop in the first place under controlled circumstances. Ground rules are set and both parties are completely up front from the get-go as far as what they do and don’t expect. Real life doesn’t always play out that way though. Sometimes, you just find yourself in the thick of things without knowing how you got there.

While that can be fine and dandy while everything’s still working out, things can really get sticky when you’re over it and ready to end things. The following tips can help make the process of ending a fling or breaking up with a “friend with benefits” a little easier and less dramatic.

1. Don’t just ghost them.

We get it. The idea of simply dropping off the face of the planet can be a really appealing temptation when you want out of a relatively casual situation. After all, you don’t actually owe them anything, especially if they’re really just a Grindr or GuyHop hookup that stayed in the picture for longer than expected. Don’t do that though.

Yes, ghosting is a convenient way to get rid of someone, but it’s also really immature and unfair to the other person. Plus, the gay community where you live is probably smaller than you realize. Word could get around and earn you an unwanted reputation as a jerk. It only takes a minute to tell someone you’re ready to move on.

2. Be prompt and to the point.

Ending a connection with another person is honestly pretty hard for most people, even if it was just a casual thing you weren’t even looking for in the first place. If you suspect that the other person might be developing feelings for you or holding out hope for something more, things get even tougher. That’s exactly why you don’t want to leave any room for ambiguity.

End things as soon as you know this isn’t what you want anymore. The longer you wait, the harder it’s ultimately going to be, especially if the other person really wants things to continue. Stick to the point with a straightforward, “I’m ready to move on,” or something similar. Resist any lingering urges to make anything other than a clean break as well.

3. Be honest as well.

If you’re like most people, you want the people you date or sleep with to be honest with you, even if what they have to say isn’t what you want to hear. The other guy is probably the same, so respect him enough to tell him exactly why you’re not interested in continuing with whatever it is the two of you are doing. After all, you’re both adults.

In other words, don’t lie and say you’re moving to Paris or getting back together with your ex (unless that’s actually the reason, of course). Don’t claim you just really want time alone to sort through some things if that’s not really what it is. If things have simply run their course, say so. If it really is that you’re worried they’re developing feelings and you’re not interested back, tell them. If they’ve done something specific to make you want out, let them know. You don’t have to go into grim detail or anything, but you do need to tell the truth.

4. If you want to stay friends, give it time.

Sometimes the reason a simple hookup unexpectedly turns into a longer fling or a “friends with benefits” type of deal is the two people involved really do like each other as people. If that’s the case for you and your fling, you might well be hoping the two of you can stay friends going forward, and that’s great. It’s definitely something that can happen, but you’ll want to be realistic and give the other guy a little time and space first.

Even if what you had wasn’t a real relationship or anything close to it, the other person’s feelings are still likely to be a little bit hurt, especially if they were hoping for more. If they want to talk it out, be willing to listen. Then give them the space they need to grieve the loss of the connection a little. Once they’ve had time to process things, you can think more about being friends.

5. Follow the golden rule.

If you’re ever in any doubt as to what to say or do, just default to acting the way you’d hope the other person would if the shoe were on the other foot. Treating others the way we ourselves would like to be treated is honestly never a bad idea. Be kind and try to take the sting out of it when you end things without lying. If he was great in bed, super funny, or someone you really enjoyed spending time with for any other reason, tell him. A little kindness goes a long way.