5 Signs Your Relationship Is Toxic

Many people have gone to me for relationship advice. Most of the time, I can determine whether their partner is healthy for them or not. Here's 5 hints your boyfriend/girlfriend is NOT the right one for you.

1. They're NOT supportive.

There's a fine line between when you should support your partner and when you shouldn't. Unless their ideas and their dreams hurt someone else, or perhaps themselves, you should always encourage your partner to follow their goals. Relationships are about building together, lifting each other up. If your partner makes you choose between them or your dream, or tells you consistently you shouldn't follow your ambitions, they're clearly not good for you.

An example being a young boy wanting to go to college on a football scholarship. His dream is to work for the NFL, no matter the team, because he has a passion for the sport and for the field. He goes to every meet, every practice, always stresses trying to get better for himself and his team, and is always putting effort into doing his absolute best. While working for his coach, he also puts a lot of his time into his relationship, that being his girlfriend. He calls her whenever he can, is there for her no matter what, even in ungodly hours of the night, and goes the extra mile to surprise her after school or on weekends. His girlfriend, however, hates that not all of his attention is on her and her needs, and makes him choose between football or their relationship. The man is heartbroken because he doesn't want to have to choose between something he's always dreamed of, to someone he loves.

That's a solid example of being discouraging to your partner. Another example could be if Person A got a fully-paid scholarship to a college far from home, but Person B doesn't want Person A to go. Yes, there'd be distance, but if you truly love and trust your partner, you should instead uplift them and insist they follow their dreams, not tell them they can't go because "What about us?"

Your dreams, whether big or small, are important and should be pursued with someone who believes in you, even if the journey is hard.

2. They're hypocritical.

One big hint your partner is toxic for you is that they're hypocritical. If your partner asks you continuously to do something, but won't do it themselves, that's a very controlling factor and not good for the person involved.

An example could be that Person A doesn't want Person B to curse so much, but continues to cuss themselves. If they're not comfortable with you doing something, but they do it, that's a hint they're very paradox.

Although cursing is a minor example, even little things can transform into a much bigger issue. If they don't change this particular characteristic, that's a clear idea you should cut ties with them altogether.

3. They're always jealous.

One of the biggest problems I've seen in today's younger generation is that they're VERY jealous of their partner talking to someone, even if that "someone" is just a friend. Jealousy can be healthy, but to a very minimum extent, and it can become overwhelming when your boyfriend or girlfriend goes a little nuts with who you should or shouldn't talk to.

An example being that Person A doesn't allow Person B to talk to their best friend of five years, simply because they are jealous and intimidated by their friendship. Adding on to that, gender can play a major role, and some relationships even go so far to isolate their partner from talking to anyone of the opposite sex. This behavior is also an indication that they could be mentally abusive or negatively possessive, and its best to get out of the relationship as soon as possible.

4. They don't make you feel good about yourself, but rather...the opposite.

Your biggest priority about being in a relationship is making your partner feel loved, appreciated, supported, accepted, etc. If your boyfriend or girlfriend makes you feel the exact opposite of any of these things, that's not good at all.

One example could be that Person A is always judgmental of how Person B looks. Their makeup isn't a certain way, their clothes make them look "sloppy" or "fat," their hair isn't a certain style, etc. Some may find that this is just "constructive, honest criticism," however, your partner does not need to live up to your expectations, and instead, should feel comfortable in their body and their clothes. If your boyfriend or girlfriend makes you feel ugly or you feel your partner is ALWAYS unsatisfied with how you look, you should cut ties with them. Your partner should always make you feel like the goddess/god in the room, not like you have to be the literal definition of "perfect."

5. They refuse to open up.

Although it's hard to open up to someone, it is the gateway to heaven in a relationship. Communication is everything, and without it, you basically have nothing. If your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't let themselves be vulnerable to you, there's the hint that they don't trust you. Not only is that unhealthy, but it's unfair for you to be the only one expressing feelings.

People do get hurt, people are scared, and that's fine. But if you want any sort of a healthy, long-term relationship, expressing your emotions is a severe role in keeping it intact. If Person A refuses to communicate their issues or feelings on what is bothering them, Person B is not only left out in the dust, wondering what's wrong, but they also feel like they're probably not good enough, because Person A isn't talking to them truthfully or at all. Give your loved one some time to open up, and if a lot of time has gone by, and they've made no progress or effort TO progress, it's best to leave and find someone who will.