5 Steps to See If It’s Love

I have a good feeling that you’re reading this because you’re wanting to take your relationship to the next step, shy to tell them those three special words, don’t know if they love you, or maybe you’re going through a breakup and you know you’re still deeply in love with this person and you are wondering how you can just tell them what’s REALLY on your mind (like me), right?

Well, let’s see what kind of advice I can give on your situation and- who knows - maybe this advice can help you with finally telling him/her you love them whether it’s the first time ever, or after a while.

1. Write down all of your thoughts on paper.

It doesn’t matter how crazy it sounds in your head, or what anyone else might think of what you are in fact thinking. Grab a sheet of paper (or a few) and jot down any and everything that comes to your mind at that very moment and write until you feel your mind has gone blank. After that, take a break, recoup yourself after that heavy workout, and come back to that paper once you feel you’re ready. I’d advise a 10–15 minute break. Once you come back to that page (or pages) of sprawled out thoughts and ideas, start analyzing what you’ve got. Try to figure out where your head is at and what it is you really want. No one else but you needs to see these thoughts, remember that. The whole idea of this concept is to organize your disorganized thoughts and ideas.

2. Give them some space (or not).

I know this is seemingly one of the most impossible things to do, but sometimes you need to give that special someone their space.

Let’s think about a hypothetical real quick; maybe (s)he just broke up with you because (s)he feels like (s)he doesn’t know what (s)he wants or maybe they just feel like they don’t love you anymore and feel numb in your presence.

Sounds pretty terrible right?

So, you don’t really know what’s going on in this special person’s mind. Maybe you have been around them too much and they forget what it feels like to have thoughts of their own, or don’t remember what loneliness feels like which makes them blind to the reason they actually want you around so much. Do you get the idea?

In order for someone to truly miss you, they need their space. At least 3 days.

So, let me tell you what happened with me: I was so hurt over the breakup that I didn’t even want to leave the apartment complex (we were living together). I wanted to also get more of my belongings before my long drive to my sister's house that was three hours away. I ended up sleeping in my car the night we broke up because he wanted me to move out that same night of the breakup.

But let’s back up a moment.

That same morning, he was happy to be around me, hugging me, kissing me, and telling me how much he loved me. And when I got home from work...he couldn’t say “I love you” or even simply look me straight in the eyes. Makes no sense right? Well, let’s fast forward a bit.

I moved in with my sister and was dreading being so far away. Not only was I constantly looking at my phone waiting for a call or text or something that made all of this a dream or even a joke...but nothing. I kept sending heartfelt messages, pouring my heart out over voicemail and everything to no avail.

All I knew is that I wanted the love of my life back.

So, I read some articles, books, and so on to see what I was doing wrong or to see how to fix it. It all came from my own inner awakening. I had to do something to keep my mind off of trying to send him messages or calling or any of that nonsense. So I went to the gym more, hung out with friends, read, and all that good stuff. Well, about three days later, I messaged to ask when I could swing back by and gather my belongings... No joke, not even a moment later he was calling me. My heart throbbed and I had a mini panic attack...but I answered the phone. We arranged a day and time for me to get my belongings and talked a little about the breakup. He was kind of ready for that talk. But didn’t speak to me for a week after (until the day I went to get my belongings). We ended up sleeping together and I felt so happy even though that’s all he wanted at the moment. But, as time went by, our relationship started flowering a little bit. We went out on an actual date to see Star Wars: The Last Jedi the other night and we have been working things out. We have had heartfelt conversations and opened up about how we really feel. He said that he loves being around me and loves seeing me flourish into a successful person finding my purpose and passion in life.

Anyways, my point is. Space can be different in every scenario. You just need to listen to your instincts. Most of the time it is utterly crucial to give that special person their space before trying to start fresh again, and sometimes it’s impossible because some people hold onto the past and don’t want to let go of the person they fell out of love with in the past.

3. Make them feel important, but not like a God.

You want them to feel special, like they have an important role in your life and so on. But the biggest mistake I made was making my special someone my obsession. Don’t do it to yourself. I know you love them, but obsessing over someone actually makes you into someone you aren’t and you don’t realise you are doing it until it’s too late.

Let them come up with ideas for dates, give positive feedback on the nice things they say, and allow nature to run her course.

Also, when you’re with them, don’t be all over them, but make sure they know that you want to make them happy. That you’re there to impress them, but you’re also being genuine about it.

Just keep in mind they want to know and feel like they are the reason for your happiness, so be positive and optimistic!

4. Focus on yourself the most, the rest will come!

I will be honest with you, I turned into a complete stranger not just to him, but to myself in our relationship. We jumped in too fast and I spent all my time focusing on him than I did myself and in turn I turned into a stranger.

Remember to take time for yourself. Read a book, go out with your friends, take adventures on your own, get into a hobby, go to school, and do what makes YOU happy. If you’re happy with where you’re at and who you are, the rest will come. Don’t allow yourself to get ALL caught up in the relationship. Remember that they want to see you become successful and do something with your life rather than going job to job and focusing more on the “us” part of your relationship and not yourself. Don’t do that to yourself. Anyone who says they want to change you or want you to change (completely) doesn’t want you for you, they’re probably more interested in just your body.

5. BE POSITIVE!!

NO ONE LIKES NEGATIVE NANCY! The worst thing you can do is wake up grumpy, complain about everything in your day and go to bed with a frown. Turn that frown upside down! If it takes you to self-check, meditate, watch videos, or anything, etc. Then do it! One of the reasons relationships tend to fail is the negativety one or both of the individuals in a relationship portray in their day to day lifestyle.

I read an article recently that gave me some insight on how to be a more positive person (here’s the link; you’re welcome!) and quite frankly there are some really good ideas in there. It helps waking up positive because the rest of your day will resolve around that positive attitude, making others around you happy as well. You can’t be selfish with your feelings love. Why carry around the burden of negativity when you’ve only got one shot at your life. It’s YOUR life, who cares what everyone else thinks? As long as you’re happy with who you are and where you’re at, you’re way ahead of the game.

Good luck to you, and don’t forget to smile!!

Any ideas, comments, or tricks of your own feel free to email them to me at [email protected].