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Everyone seems to be asking themselves, and the world via social media why EVERYONE they date is "the same". Food for thought, not everyone is the same, have you thought maybe you're encountering different people and YOU are the one staying the same? What are you doing wrong? Hold on tight, this one's gonna be a long one!
1. Let's start with the one that is the most difficult nasty habit of mine: passive-aggressiveness.
When my partner says or does something I don't personally agree with, I subtly say stupid things meant to irritate him. Why do we do this? Easy answer! Because we think they're doing it to us. By doing something we don't agree with we think they're trying to upset us, which is sometimes the truth.
But acting passive-aggressively back makes it even worse. Instead of getting sassy and making snide comments, try going with the flow. Tell yourself that boys night he's having is going to go smoothly and he will crawl into bed with you just when he says he will! Maybe he'll even remember that chocolate shake you wanted!
2. Expecting a new partner to be like all of the other partners.
I hate when someone does this one... We already know that it's not very likely that ALL of your partners have been the exact same person, and that you just haven't changed.
So before you go into your next relationship, change your mindset. Tell yourself this will be the very best relationship you will ever have! Plan your wedding in your head, or make some Pinterest boards if you have to! Expecting a new relationship to be like an old one will show through to your new partner, a new lover does not want to be treated or compared to an ex lover so stop.
3. Saying things we don't mean!
My partner does this often and it irks me, but you have to push through and not be passive-aggressive or blatantly angry. Example;
You: Hey babe, would you like to go see the new IT remake tonight?
Partner: not really... I mean, I wanted to relax tonight.
You: You never want to do anything with me, ugh pfft. *eye roll*
Partner: Fine... I'll go.
I can't imagine how frustrating that is, that you feel like you're never enough! You can't even have a simple break, without feeling inadequate. Stop! Instead, relax with him, pop some popcorn at home, talk, play games or watch a movie at home. He will appreciate he didn't have to bicker or cave in, to have a somewhat peaceful night.
Which leads me to #4.
4. On the other hand, your partner shouldn't agree to something they wouldn't enjoy!
Then your entire date night would be such a waste. With your partner scoffing, not enjoying the movie, probably not even holding your hand during the scary parts! What's the point in pissing your partner off just to see a movie? Rather, if your partner wants to do something you don't, tell them you will set a date and go, tell them why you don't want to go. Don't change your tone, don't get nasty, even if they do.
5. Last but not least, one of the biggest, nastiest, most cruel things crushing your relationships is... COMPLAINING.
Oh my gosssssh. Next time you talk to your partner throughout a day try to count how many complaints you send his/her way, then count how many are aimed at your partner! "You NEVER do the dishes", "You always turn corners too sharply", "Did you see that guy, he didn't even wave back at me!"
Stop complaining folks. It does not one soul any good. Instead, be grateful! Start a gratitude journal, try coming up with at least 10 things you're grateful for, even if you just put "The sky is beautiful" or "I have a roof over my head." If you're upset at your partner, make a separate gratitude journal for him/her. When you realize how lucky you are, your entire mind will shift.
These are the 5 things destroying your relationships, try them out. What do you think?