5 Tips and Tricks for Maintaining Good Relationships

We've all wondered these things. What did I get out of this? How did this benefit me? Was there any point to what I just experienced? Whether it be after a date, a conversation, or lecture from your boss, the questions are still there. Maybe it seems (to others) a bit selfish and biased to always be concerned with your own needs and self-progression, but simple tasks and shifts in mindset can help you feel more satisfied with day-to-day tasks and responsibilities. Here are some that I've seen to be most effective in my own and in other's lives.

1. Listen more than you speak.

Now, this may seem counterproductive. How do I get more out of something if I'm listening to other people's problems? Let's set the scene: You're on your way out of work. It's been a long day, and the only thing on your mind as you clock out is the exact amount of time it'll take you to get from your car to your apartment. A hand on your shoulder. You get roped into a conversation with a well-meaning co-worker, but you become increasingly frustrated as her questions become laments about her favorite cat. What would you do in this situation? Say "Gotta go!" and get going on your evening plans? Change the subject? Nah. Often when people reach out to you and drone on about the most mundane of things, it's either their own ego and need for attention breaking through, or they simply need someone they know won't mind listening for a small while. If you were to change the subject and decide it's your turn for the sake of your sanity, you might present yourself as overbearing and self-centered.

2. Compromise

This one may seem fairly obvious. "Relationships are about compromise." And they're absolutely correct! However, don't mistake this for a "give-and-take" complex. Two people, whether in a romantic, sexual, or platonic relationship, should be able to give attention and affection freely between the two of you. If one person were to say "I did this, so now you owe me this" under normal circumstances, that would rub anyone the wrong way. Anyone who only thinks about what they can take from the other person in a relationship is not worth your time. Compromise is based on mutual trust and love, not obligations and contract.

3. Boundaries

Boundaries. You either have them or you don't. Some people display them in their personality, some in their words and senses of humor. The thing is, in modern relationships, people with no boundaries tend to be 'fed' on by those called "boundary invaders". Boundary invaders have no sense of respect for others' privacy, emotional needs, or simple requests. I grew up with very strong boundaries, mostly I think it was a natural result of my personality. However, it's been clear that when people "pop by bubble" it becomes an issue. I don't mess with people who press on my boundaries, and neither should you. Everyone should respect the others' needs, and if you're in a relationship with someone who sometimes doesn't get that, either have a very clear talk with them about your specific boundaries or run the other way.

4. Communication

I've been in relationships where the other individual is very closed off about their emotions. It's physically hard for them to say how they're feeling. Often times it just takes some time to get them to that point of trust in me to be able to articulate exactly how they're feeling. Communication can make or break a relationship. It's controversial sometimes as to exactly what pieces of information are really necessary to give freely to a partner or friend, but ultimately, I've found that nothing but the whole truth works completely. Be open and honest. No, don't say whatever happens to pop up in your head at the moment (unless that's your style, haha), but make a point to let yourself not be restricted by the fear that they might not like what you say.

5. Celebrate differences.

Let's be honest here, some differences are two big to overcome within a relationship. You want kids desperately, and she doesn't want anything to do with 'em. She's conservative, and he's liberal. It happens. The world is full of millions of opinions, mindsets, creeds, statuses, etc. However, for the small ones that may seem odd through the world's eyes, there's no reason to let them be a big deal or even acknowledged to the other person. I always like to think of those animal videos with the baby goat that's best friends with, I don't know, a koala? Those are the types of differences that deserve to be celebrated within a relationship. It doesn't cause conflict, it doesn't need to be talked through, it's just two, separate individuals doing their thing together. No hang ups or unspoken tension. Just mutual understanding that you guys are not quite the same, but enjoy each other's company anyway. Differences are good.