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If you’re a brown girl who’s into guys, you probably know what I’ll be talking about here. Coming from a predominantly white area with a past of internalized racism, your quest for the approval of the white man is just something you need to go through. Though I try not to care about anyone’s acceptance anymore, I will say that as a chocolate girl, I have a thing for chocolate colored hair. In other words: I kinda dig white guys...sometimes…but not only, obvi. Even if I wish they all had the social intelligence of Trevor Noah, most of them just don’t. Being close to my 21st birthday, I can say that I’ve seen a few try to slide into my dm's and red flags were usually quickly raised. After wrapping up my encounters, I’ve come up with a list: The 5 types of white guys you will date as a black girl. ENJOY!
1. The ‘‘I Don’t See Colour’’ Type
I told you, he doesn’t see colour, that’s it, it’s done.
Obviously, it is not that simple. If you’ve done any research or studies in social issues, or if you’ve ever listened to a person of colour talk, you would know that colour blindness is not the solution to anything. On the contrary, it actually makes people of colour feel invalidated in their experiences and we don’t need that at all, mostly not in our romantic relationships. This dude will pretty quickly state that he ‘‘doesn’t see colour, at all.’’ He’ll probably say that he’s into you because he has ‘‘grown’’ into this prejudice-free, land-of-the-free, gluten-free, buy-one-get-one-free guy who is just above all stereotypes and that he is so grateful that we’re in 2018 because your life is so great now. First of all, Tommy, I barely know you, what makes you think that because Obama completed two terms, my life is a daydream? And that girl, is when you bounce, thank you, next.
2. The ‘‘I Usually Don’t Like Black Girls’’ Type
This might sound silly to some, but this type needs to be mentioned. I used to come across this type more in my high school years, but these little ones don’t see age as a limit. Type two will compliment your skin tone or your hair after saying something along the lines of, "I’m usually not into black girls." He also appropriated the famous, ‘‘You’re pretty, for a black girl’’ remark. They are found mostly in chill settings like bars or parties. He’ll come up to you after pushing his way with practically every white girl present and finally sets up for you because he drank too much, and he’d like to make out with someone before passing out in a corner of the room. He might make you feel special for a few seconds, but the key point here is that he will replace you in a heartbeat if a lighter girl comes around. You are an exception because in his mind, black women are unattractive. Plus, you should be thankful he’s talking to you in the first place. It’s easy to fall for these guys because if you’ve hated yourself for so long, they seem like the key to social prestige. You already see yourself having two mixed babies (Jayden and Noah, obvi), going on camping trips and binge-watching Lord of the Rings as a family activity even though you have no effin’ clue what these movies are about. Is it possible for type two to change? Maybe. But nine times out of 10, you’ll never find out because next thing you know, this Will guy is dating Jessika, the blondest of the blondes…. They are not charity cases and you don’t have to prove you’re nice and attractive.
3. The ‘‘I Prefer Black Girls’’ Type
Now listen, this one is tricky. Mostly after mentioning type two, this might seem like an improvement but not really. They might seem oh so different, but they have one thing in common—they will most likely make jokes about you looking or tasting like chocolate and give you some racially contorted nicknames and that’s just a HELL NAH (I swear, if I hear one more dude tell me they just looove chocolate cake with a wink emoji, I’ll snap). This type of white dude usually slides into your dm's because he saw your selfie captioned #BlackGirlMagic on Instagram and was digging it. It is flattering to be complimented on the skin you have learned to love through years and years of self-hate, believe me, I’ve been there. But listen when I say that this is no prince charming. I have learned to stay away from guys who clearly say they have a “preference” for a ‘‘blank’’ type of girl period, because there’s ALWAYS some sneaky stuff underneath, and guess what, homegirl doesn’t have time to figure what it is. The sneaky stuff I’m talking about is usually just straight up racism unfortunately. He will justify his ‘‘preferences’’ with the stereotypes that we and the women before us have tried so hard to demolish. He also finds weird and mostly unasked ways to not exactly compliment you, but letting you know that it’s okay to be you because he gave you the permission to…? For example, you post a selfie with a caption about loving your curls and he replies saying that you should love your hair because he likes them. Boy, I have looked on the top of my fridge, under my bed and inside my container of shea butter and I have not found the moment when I asked for your opinion so why are you here. Finally, the most evident red flag is that he usually talks bad of other women, saying that white women are this and that latina women are that, etc... That is something we DO NOT STAND in this house. Girls need to stand together, and you can’t let Jimmy get in between you and your sisters.
4- The “I’m Not Racist, My Girlfriend is Black” Type
Type four probably really likes you. He learned about your reality and he thinks you’re really cute. He’s crazy sweet...but only when it comes to you. This dude was probably a type two when you met him, but you gave him a chance and he’s not so bad. He’s funny and respectful but once again, just with you. He says weird stuff about black men and other people of colour that hurt your ears because well...they’re kinda racist. He will never miss an occasion to say his celebrity crush is Zendaya or Rihanna, but again, his respect for black women is cut quite short when it comes to the ones he wouldn’t want in his bed. He tells you that you’re the prettiest out of your black friends and points out how you’re so not like other black girls. All you want is to run your hand through his straight hair and say thank you as you look into his sparkly light eyes but actually, if I were you... I’d run. You know about those “white girls who only date black guys,” you see the cornrows, you see the hoops, YOU KNOW. Well, this dude is her cousin...sort of. The main issue is that they do not usually respect other people of colour. The final red flag that should be enough to make you jump off, is that he probably uses you as a pass to get out of situations where people put him on blast for his racist comments. It is not your job to take every problematic white puppy under your locks to make him understand the world. Jake is not a broken toy that you should fix, you’re busy and deserve better. Your job is never to raise men, remember that.
5- The Right One, Finally
After many Tinder matches, after many cringes at parties and a lot of dm's left on read, you finally found him. He just… feels right and he surprisingly is just...normal. He doesn’t make uncomfortable jokes about your complexion, has NEVER touched your hair without your permission and never asked for it either. He tells you you look great in bright colours and that your hair is cute, mostly when it’s a little frizzy. He listens to you talk about your experiences and doesn’t try to silence you because he understands that he is not in your shoes and never will be. He doesn’t try to play the devil’s advocate for everything you say about the black struggle because, once again, he knows that you two are different. He doesn’t brag about you to his friends and doesn’t make a big deal about you being black. He might say some things you disagree with, but he is open to conversation, because it’s not about being perfect, it’s about being open. Type five doesn’t use you as a get-out-of-jail card when he’s being critiqued by other people, he doesn’t see you as something he can use to benefit him. The first time you make out with him, he ends up with your ‘‘coconut’’ named foundation all over his nose and chin but he laughs it out, saying ‘‘it was oh so worth it’’ as he looks at you with not quite stars in his eyes, but kind of. After a while, you tell him that you genuinely prefer vanilla ice cream as you two are talking about desserts, and he winks at you saying ‘‘that and other things’’ and so you throw a pillow in his face. But it’s already too late. By now, he maybe changed your snapchat nickname to a stupid pun with the chocolate emoji at the end, but his snapchat name in your phone ends with five glasses of milk so it’s fair. He may or may not have a generic White boy name, but you don’t care because it just seems so right. It’s not perfect, because nothing is. But he respects you, and he wants you to respect yourself. And so, it’s kinda close.