52 Ostensibly Terrible Date Ideas I Haven't Yet Road-Tested with my New Girlfriend
But I guess I'll never know if they work until I try them all out?
2. Literally watch paint dry3. Steal the Declaration of Independence4. Go busking together with kazoos5. Have the chef from our local aged care home cook our next romantic candle-lit dinner6. Have children together and then adamantly refuse to vaccinate them7. Read her the entirety of James Joyce' Ulysses out loud8. Animate a feature length children's film together9. Buy a house in a racially diverse neighbourhood in the hopes of slowly gentrifying it and leaching it of all of its character10. Hitch-hike through Syria11. Take pictures of chemtrails12. Watch all of the newer seasons of The Simpsons13. Fall over in front of all of the frail old people we happen to see on the street, and then point and laugh at them after we get back up again without having broken any bones14. Organise a specific time and date to go out for a night on the town, and then have my creepy uncle go in my place15. Stick a fork in the toaster just to see what happens16. Become anarcho-capitalists17. Gift her all of the moldy cups I haven't yet bothered to clear from my bedroom18. Disappoint her in front of her parents19. Disappoint her in front of her cool friends20. Take her to a Nando's and then make her pay for it21. Tattoo our faces on each other's arse cheeks22. Join a cult23. Eat at the dodgiest restaurant we can find and then see who gets food poisoning first24. Go to the Lay's factory to see how chips are made25. Listen to Leonard Cohen in her darkened living room, while drinking cask wine and eating Chinese take away26. Search "Shane MacGowan's teeth" on Google Images and print off our favourite photos to paste on the wall27. Cry together28. Start a riot at a Guns 'N' Roses concert29. Stalk a B-grade celebrity30. Invite her over to my place and then ignore her while I pet my dogs31. Break all of her mugs32. Translate The Qur'an into Welsh33. Take her on a romantic walk through the park, but then we get lost and have to outrun a pack of very hungry wolves34. Attend a sitting of parliament35. Challenge her to a duel36. Show her my collection of subscription-only Horrible Histories magazines that I've owned since I was 1237. Go to the cemetery in search of all the dead baby graves38. Yell 'BOMB' at strangers at the airport for 6 hours39. Organise a real time re-enactment of the Cuban Missile Crisis40. Watch Spongebob and eat chicken nuggets41. Beg her to complete my latest university assignment 30 minutes before I'm supposed to turn it in42. Set off fireworks in a shopping centre43. Verse her in Super Smash Bros. and then get really mad when she kicks my arse44. Listen to Abbey Road backwards45. Run an extremely successful brothel and become insanely rich46. Steal sweets from small children on Halloween47. Assassinate a military dictator48. Call up Microsoft technical support and ask whoever answers deeply philosophical questions about the nature of human existence49. Call up Microsoft technical support and then echo everything they say straight back at them word for word50. Call up Microsoft technical support and then scream into the receiver51. Take her to an Alcoholic's Anonymous meeting52. Sneak into Area 51 and release all the alien prisoners
About the Creator
Kieran Atkins
Kieran Atkins is a 19 year old Arts student and novice writer from Melbourne, Australia. He has a keen interest in sociology, philosophy and British comedy. He also plays Dungeons and Dragons in his spare time, because he has no life.
Keep reading
More stories from Kieran Atkins and writers in Humans and other communities.
Hidden Happiness
The world in which we live, is constantly changing, and this applies even more so in these days in which we live. With the implementation of AI into the workplace, people are beginning to fear for their jobs. With the rumors of wars circulating across the globe people are falling into fearful states, that are spurred on by changes, the likes of which we have never in human history, experienced before.
By Kaylon Forsyth4 days ago in Humans
"Love's Timeless Sprout: A Story of Sentiment in Willowbrook"
In the curious town of Willowbrook, settled in the midst of moving slopes and blossoming glades, there carried on with a young lady named Emily. With her shimmering eyes and comforting grin, she was the substance of the town, darling by all who knew her. One bright evening, as Emily walked around the town square, her look met that of an attractive outsider. His name was Jack, and he had quite recently shown up in Willowbrook looking for asylum from the rushing about of city life. From the second their eyes met, Emily and Jack felt a flash of association that neither could overlook. As time passes, their fellowship bloomed into something else, as they investigated the excellence of the town together, sharing giggling, dreams, and insider facts underneath the shade of antiquated oak trees. As the seasons changed and the days became more limited, Emily and Jack's adoration kept on extending, similar to the underlying foundations of the powerful trees that remained as quiet observers to their blossoming sentiment. They moved in the twilight, said romantic things in one another's ears, and vowed to value each other forever. Yet, similarly as their adoration appeared to be bound to endure forever, a shadow fell across the town. An extraordinary tempest moved throughout Willowbrook, resulting in obliteration afterward and taking steps to destroy Emily and Jack. Amidst mayhem and depression, Emily and Jack stuck to one another with, still up in the air to face the hardship together. With affection as their anchor, they dealt with each challenge directly, tracking down strength in one another's arms and comfort in one another's hug. Furthermore, when the tempest at long last passed and the sun rose up out of behind the mists, Emily and Jack arose more grounded than at any other time, their adoration sparkling more brilliant than the morning dew on a spring day. They realize that regardless of what preliminaries lay ahead, as long as they had one another, they could defeat anything. Thus, in the core of Willowbrook, in the midst of the delicate murmur of the breeze and the melody of birdsong, Emily and Jack lived cheerfully ever later, their affection an encouraging sign and bliss as far as who might be aware them. For eventually, it was love that vanquished all, and their cheerful completion was only the start that could only be described as epic of shared dreams and interminable love. As Emily and Jack subsided into their coexistence in Willowbrook, their adoration just developed further as time passes. They worked next to each other, watching out for the town gardens and really focusing on the creatures that meandered the open country. In the nights, they would sit together by the fire, sharing accounts of their past and longing for their future. What's more, as the years went by, their affection just developed, enduring each hardship and deterrent that came their direction. Together, they fabricated a daily existence loaded up with chuckling, euphoria, and enduring commitment, making recollections that would endure forever. What's more, however they confronted difficulties and difficulties en route, their adoration stayed relentless, an encouraging sign and strength in a world loaded up with vulnerability. As they became old together, Emily and Jack found solace in one another's arms, realizing that they had found their perfect partner in one another. Also, when their experience on this planet at long last reached a conclusion, they withdrew connected at the hip, their affection rising above even the limits of mortality. For Emily and Jack, theirs was a romantic tale for the ages, a demonstration of the force of affection to beat any deterrent and give genuine joy and satisfaction. Also, as they traveled into endlessness together, their affection kept on sparkling brilliantly, lighting the way for a long time into the future.
By Nameless writera day ago in Humans
A New Beginning
Tony couldn’t sit still, crossing and uncrossing his legs, trying to calm his trembling hands as Clara stood at the office window deep in thought. The airline ticket in his shirt pocket moved to the beat of his heart¬– each beat bringing back the nightmare causing memories of the words he’d spoken over ten years ago. Thanks to Clara he’d finally gained the courage to buy that ticket.
By Gerald Holmesa day ago in Fiction
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.