6 Reasons to Call Off an Engagement

In 2014, at the age of 24, I got engaged. I remember the day like it was yesterday. We had just arrived in Barcelona and had decided to go to a local restaurant to enjoy some paella. After our meal, we walked to the lovely four star hotel we were staying at, and that's when it happened.My then partner got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I was overcome with shock, I just couldn't believe what was happening as we had only been together for 10 months. At that time, it was one of the happiest moments of my life and of course I didn't hesitate to say yes.

What neither of us were prepared for was how intense our relationship was set to become. Getting engaged is almost like a vow within itself. You are intending to live life together forever but with time, you both really do need to work hard and think about whether marriage is really for the two of you. After almost three years together, I made the very difficult decision to end my engagement. I was heartbroken but in time, honesty, prayer and realisations helped to set me free. An engagement isn't a guarantee that you will get married and it's essential that you pay attention to any red flags.

Here are six reasons why someone may decide to call off an engagement:

The Pressure

Pressure can make people do very bizarre things. The reality is that there are many people out there who are being pressured by their family and even friends to jump the broom. Pay attention to how your fiancé handles discussions and challenges in relation to your impending marriage. Does everything seem to be rushed? Are there are a lot of 'I's when you do talk about your relationship (a huge dealbreaker)? None of this is worth rushing into a marriage for. It may feel great in the moment but as the years go by, you may not be 100 percent happy and that's when the negatives may slowly find their way into your marriage.

The Art of Convincing

This is perhaps one of the biggest reasons to call off an engagement. Think about your fiancé. Are you happy with them as they are? In one of my favourite books, The Four Agreements, the author Don Miguel Ruiz said something that will forever stay with me: "if you can't accept a person as they are, then leave them alone." As people, we can only change if we want to and if you are convincing yourself that your fiancé is the one for you, when you know that they aren't, you aren't being true to yourself. As a wise person once said, it's better to wait long than to marry wrong.

The Delay

I'm guilty as charged when it comes to the delay. As my engagement was nearing its end (I could feel it and so could my ex-fiancé), he would always ask about a wedding date and whenever he did, I couldn't detect a sense of excitement in his voice so I would always say 'in two years' and then on other days, I'd say 'three years'. In my mind, it just knew I didn't want an imminent wedding. It just always sounded like he wanted to get things over and done with. A wedding is an event but a marriage is for a lifetime and if you are being hesitant when it comes to wedding plans, you may need to indulge in some self reflection and also reflection on the current state of your union.

The Denial

Anyone who has called off an engagement has probably felt like this. You know it's not working, your fiancé knows its not working, and even the universe could tell you it's not working. If you find yourself constantly having to justify or defend certain aspects of your relationship, its over. Healthy and loving relationships are natural and are not forced. I've read stories about people who have given in and gotten married just because the venue was booked or the invitations had already been sent out. Do not do this. If you feel uneasy or you are in doubt, trust your gut instinct.

The Lack of Trust

Without trust, a relationship stands no chance. A rocky start never makes for a great finish. If you always feel on edge with your fiancé and you feel like you're tempted to check their phones, emails, account activity, etc. then your relationship has no trust. Can you imagine spending your whole life with someone you can't trust? I can't. Marriage requires such a huge amount of trust so if this is an issue for you then it's time to call it quits so you can be with somebody that you can trust.

The Need to Control

Bad characteristics are a surefire reason to end an engagement. Controlling behaviour is a sign of abuse. Nobody in their right mind should ever try to control you. If your fiancé always wants to know where you are, what you are doing and who you are with then they are controlling. Do not brush off controlling behaviour as intense love. The controller will have you believing that the reason they behave as badly as they do is because they love you and they don't want to lose you. This kind of behaviour is never fixed and if they are like this in a relationship, then imagine what they will be like in a marriage?

The person who you chose to be your life partner should be a safe haven. Your relationship should be healthy, loving and mutually fulfilling. Please don't put yourself in a position where you justify red flags to the point where you sacrifice your own wellbeing and happiness. You will only hurt yourself in the long run so choose well.