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The point of an apology?
People always say that you should think before you speak or think before you act. However, there’s only a handful of people that actually do this. Some of us go on with our lives saying and doing whatever we want based on how we feel. It is after that fact, we may choose to apologize for our actions. The whole point of an apology is one, to recognize your wrongdoing and how your words or actions impacted the person that you hurt. Second, is also to learn from your mistakes and try your best not to do that again. Nowadays, people say and do things then, later on, try to apologize to someone or to the public for what they’ve done only to go back and do it all over again. We see this happen all the time in our everyday life, in social media, in the news, it happens everywhere. However, not every apology should be accepted and the transgressors should always face any or all consequences that may come as a result of the pain they inflicted on others. I’m going to go over the types of apologies that should never be accepted no matter what. When anyone decides to use one of these apologies, you will then know that they are just full of it. In addition, avoid interacting with these people in any way. After all, if they are not remorseful for their actions once, chances are they will be more likely to try and do the same thing to you again.
#1. A Half Ass Apology
This is a common type of apology where the person doesn’t really put enough effort on apologizing. There is a lack of sincerity and sometimes you can tell by their facial expression and their chosen words. Half the time what they say makes no sense at all, and they’re usually quick with the apology. They say what they want to say and move on to something else quickly. Sometimes they may try to make light of the situation by trying to bring humor and not taking things seriously. This can show you that this person isn’t truly sorry and they probably felt that their actions were validated from the get-go. They show no remorse about the pain they have inflicted onto the person whom they hurt. This is an apology that should not be accepted and the nature of the friendship or relationship you have with this person should be questioned.
#2. Apologizing for Something That Is Common Sense
People say common sense isn’t common. While there may be some truth to this, we also have to understand that not everyone is on the same level of maturity, experience, intellect, and of course “common sense.” We experience this a lot in relationships where one partner will feel that the other partner should have not acted a certain way as it should have been common sense for them to know better. Well, if you find someone’s common sense level not matching yours, then it’s a possibility that you two are on two different levels. It doesn’t make one better than the other. It just means that you two can try to learn from each other and teach one another. If it seems as though you two cannot teach each other in a positive and healthy manner then it’s obvious that there is an incompatibility issue at play. However, there are some things that should not have been done considering that it would be common sense for someone to know not to do them. Therefore a simple apology for doing those things just may not be sufficient to forgive someone. In this case, that person’s actions and behavior going forward in the future will have to be the judge of that.
#3. An Apology for a Favor?
The people who use this apology tend to do so in order to get something from the person they are apologizing to. The way to know this is when you don’t hear from someone whom you had an altercation with for a while. Then suddenly out the blue, they come out to say that they’re sorry for what they did only later to hear them ask you for a favor. Unfortunately, that would be an apology you should not accept as they are using only you for this favor. Once the favor has been done, they’ll just go back to their awful ways. You can always do them the favor depending on the severity of the issue. Of course, if it’s a life or death situation, most people aren’t heartless enough, to turn someone down. However, let it be known that you’re only doing them a favor out of the kindness of your heart and that their apology means nothing absolutely to you. People who apologize for something just so they can gain access to someone’s resources should be avoided at all cost.
#4. An Apology That Comes with Anger
Anger is one emotion that should not be present when it comes to an apology. When someone is remorseful, they may be angry at themselves, but never at the other person. If someone is angry at you and still apologizes for something, somewhere inside he/she may feel that his/her actions were validated and did not want to apologize, to begin with. However, they are usually apologizing because they are forced to do so. Which brings me to the next type of apology.
#5. A Forceful Apology
A forceful apology is very common, especially among relatives. This is when someone apologizes only because someone they respect, fear, or sometimes care, or someone orders them to do so. People usually do this for the sake of others and not because they realize what they have done caused pain to someone supposedly they care about. This is one apology I think should never be accepted as the transgressors aren’t really sorry for their actions. They normally do this to quiet down a situation, or to satisfy someone else's needs and wants. As you can see in the absence of that person, those people will continue to act the way they want no matter how many times they’ve hurt those who are close to them. The relationship you have with someone should not be the reason why they should apologize for hurting you. We see in many cases family members are forced to apologize to each other and get along because the elders want them to do so. However, this does not promote true harmony as it only broadens up the rift between two or more individuals causing them to dislike each other more over time. It’s always best to allow people to see the errors of their ways on their own and let them choose whether or not they should apologize to the other person if they want to amend the relationship between them.
#6. An Apology to Avoid Punishment or Ramification
This is a tricky one because sometimes people tend to recognize their wrongdoings just when they realize the magnitude of the consequences after doing what they’ve done. Lately, we see this happen a lot with politicians, celebrities, and people who are in the public eye. The problem with this is that these people don’t always think before they act. A person’s dark side comes out usually when they act on impulse. While it is possible for someone to see something from themselves that need change, there are moments when people apologize just to cover up their hidden and unacceptable ways. A common example of this is when a politician issues a public apology for something they’ve said when they didn’t think it would ever come to light. We have to hold these individuals accountable for their actions and understand that if there were no ramifications for what they’ve done, they would just keep doing it anyway because that is just who they are. This is their undeniable nature. Thus far, this type of apology should never be accepted with a simple “I’m sorry.” Rather than apologizing with words alone, they will need to show a change through actions.
As we already know, talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words. When someone apologizes, you can sense the sincerity coming from them, not just through the words they choose, but through their body gesture, facial expression, the tone of voice, hand movements, the list goes on. Holding a grudge is never a healthy thing to do and sometimes forgiving others can even be a struggle as the pain that was inflicted and the memory that comes with it is engraved in our mind and in our heart. As important it is to forgive and let certain things be in the past, we have to keep in mind that the pain is only an experience that can be used for our own self-growth. Sometimes we don’t need to forgive others for hurting us, we just need to forgive ourselves for being naïve enough to allow them to do it in the first place and let that be the lesson we learn to be a better and wiser version of our old self. In addition, learning to keep toxic people away from us will only promote more peace and harmony in our lives. The world is well balanced with both negativity as well as positivity. We don’t get to choose how much negativity or positivity it can have. The only thing we get to choose is how much of either one we will allow in our world.