Humans logo

7 Signs You're Unhappy in Your Relationship... and What to Do About It

Plus, 7 Tips to Stay Unhappy—an Unrecommended Guide

By Jane WykerPublished 5 years ago 4 min read
Like
Jane Wyker, author of Soul Selfish

We all yearn for happy intimate relationships, yet often refuse to admit how unhappy we really are. Here are seven symptoms to look for:

1. Feeling unloved — Many of your needs and desires are not being met.

Antidote:

Have you forgotten that you are the first and most important relationship in your life? Your relationship with your partner starts with you. The more you focus on and stand for yourself — what you value and what makes you happy, the more satisfied you will be, regardless of your partner.

2. Feeling a sense of depletion — emotional and sometimes physical exhaustion

Antidote:

Is your intimate partner aware of what you need? What pleases you? Does he/she sufficiently offer that to you? Does your partner respect your need for privacy and alone time? Are you asking for shared responsibilities to lighten your load?

3. Not wanting to spend time with your partner. You're often choosing to make plans to be with others, or when you are with your partner, you're splitting off and doing solo activities.

Antidote:

Pleasure is great medicine. Why not suggest seeing a comedy together or going to a concert given by a performer you both enjoy? Create situations where you can begin to feel good together and reconnect. From that place it is more possible to deal with issues of discontent.

4. Frequent feelings of anger, bitterness or being trapped. Often people feel victimized in their relationships, an indication of not taking responsibility for their choices.

Antidote:

If that fits you, here are some small steps can you take:

Give time and attention to “inner housekeeping” to clean out your emotional burden.

Create a Desire List to get in touch with your desires. Ask for them to be met more of the time by your partner.

5. Depression — an extreme result of anger and bitterness turned inward — a sense of hopelessness, the inability to perceive brightness and happiness.

Antidote:

If you are in that state, find a safe place — a friend, a therapist or a group to become aware of what is making you unhappy. Be willing to express your emotions so that you can begin to make rational decisions to remedy the causes of dissatisfaction with your partner.

6. An absence of sexual interest. When filled with pain and anger, depleted and exhausted, there is little possibility for interest in, or energy for pleasure.

Antidote:

Sexual intimacy is the deepest connection. Let it be, and work towards emptying your pain and dissatisfaction, which might lead to more connection and the possibility of reestablishing this level of intimacy.

7. Unwillingness to question your interpretations.

Antidote:

Have you forgotten that what happens in your life is not only about events, but how you hold events in your mind? Your interpretation of what happens shapes your life as powerfully as the events themselves. Are you willing to openly listen to your partner’s point of view?

Additional Antidotes to consider:

Your moment-to-moment and day-by-day choices shape your life. You are the source of your priorities and preferences — the choice maker of what, to whom, and how much you give. How you think and access your emotions informs you of what makes you happy or sad, angry or afraid. The more you focus on what you value and what makes you happy, the more satisfied you will be.

Bottom line: How to Be Unhappy: An Unrecommended Guide

The following are tips that are guaranteed to make you unhappy. They should be avoided at all costs.

People-pleasing! The surest way to insure your unhappiness is to compromise your authenticity by looking to others to fill you and love you. Prioritizing what they want the majority of the time, regardless of its impact on yourself, is a sure trip to disaster.

Disregarding your feelings — When you are unaware of when you are sad, angry and afraid, they are sure to grow!

Doing the “right thing” — which means doing what others expect of you rather than what you want to do.

Putting off what is important to you. Not knowing what you want, not asking for what you want, not giving yourself what you want will definitely sustain your unhappiness.

Putting up with undesirable behavior from others. Nuff said.

Negative self-talk: “My thighs are too fat” “I suck at my job.” “I can’t do that well.” Endless “put-downs” are sure to continue your unhappiness.

Minimizing what you bring to the party — in both your professional and personal lives. The world mirrors your degree of inner worthiness back to you. What are you worth?

It is our responsibility to take care of our own happiness. No one else can do that for you, so it's pointless to blame anyone else. When you make the decision to be happy, you attract like-minded people, and isn't that something to reach for?

About Jane Wyker:

In her memoir, Soul Selfish: The Awakening of a Good Girl, Jane Wyker shares the vast experience of her inner journey. Working in over a dozen disciplines, she had the courage and faith to follow the guidance of many teachers and, ultimately, her own soul. She says she is still learning, and models a life prioritizing happiness that sources from within. A graduate of Cornell University and former elementary school teacher, Jane was a pioneer in parent education. This led her to her Family Counseling practice that dealt with marriage, parenting, self-development, career and loss. She raised four children, managed a thriving career and pursued her own spiritual growth. Jane saw that when selfish enough to live from her soul, love and wisdom flow. She believes that is true for all of us.

Jane Wyker

advice
Like

About the Creator

Jane Wyker

Jane Wyker, author of Soul Selfish, was a pioneer in parent education, family counselor and Fortune 500 companies presenter. She raised four children while pursuing her own spiritual growth. http://janewyker.com/

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.