7 Things Transmen Are Sick of Hearing

1. Wrong Pronouns

So you know when you talk to an old friend and you say something funny, then they say something like, “Oh girl, you are still just as funny,” only now there is just a slight difference from high school… You are transitioning to male! You have been out for years, no longer sound like the girl you were once forced to be growing up, and go by a completely different name now. It is basically a slap in the face to someone who is already going through HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) and can really trigger some harmful mental crap. If any of you have any transgender friends, try and stay mindful of who they are and what they ask in respect to their transition. Pronouns matter!

2. Dead Naming

This is basically slang for referring to a transgender person by their birth name, or given name. Not every trans person who chooses to transition decides on a different name for themselves. Many, however, do decide to undergo a name change so that they may better affirm themselves. Some are not able to legally get their name changed right away, so mix-ups will happen with doctor visits, work, school. These are things that cannot be helped, unless you are some type of person who purposefully refers to a trans person by their dead name. Now that is just cruel. Imagine you are a waitress/waiter in a popular restaurant, and suddenly a stocky bearded man that you have been serving is being called Susan by his mom that he is having a lunch date with. This can be a little confusing! Not to mention embarrassing for the poor man. It can also be unsafe, not every American is comfortable, for some odd reason, using the same bathroom as someone who identifies as the same sex.

3. What We Are Allowed to Wear

Everyone knows what Drag is, right? If not, it is the wearing of clothing from the opposite sex. Drag shows have been around for many many years... So why is it that when a biological female has transitioned completely to male, they are bombarded with hate for dressing in drag? Or wearing makeup? Today’s standards of what men and women should be wearing is ridiculous. Forget gender norms! Let people dress how they would like to dress. Let people, regardless of sex or age or gender, be happy and comfortable in their own skin and clothing.

4. Facial Hair

“Why can’t you grow a beard, dude?” You know, not everyone is capable of growing the most luxurious beard ever. Some are lucky to even be able to produce a tiny little mustache. If you are friends with a trans guy, try not to offend him by making commentary on his, or lack thereof, beard. Even many biological guys have problems getting some growth on their chin hairs and sideburns. Cut the self-made men some slack, they are trying their best!

5. Hormones

You may know a transperson who has not started HRT (Hormones Replacement Therapy). Keep in mind that this could be for many reasons. They medically could be unable to, they may choose not to, or are unable to due to insurance not covering the necessary hormones and the cost being too high. If you know any transperson who is underage, their parents may not allow it so they legally cannot transition. Whatever the reason may be, try not to put your friends down for this. It is their transition and it will happen on their time if they want it to.

6. Surgeries

There are several different surgeries for transmen and women. For transgender individual transitioning to male there are typically three surgeries that are the most desirable. Double mastectomy, hysterectomy, and phalloplasty. Now each of these are costly, and depending on where you live the requirements for these surgeries differ greatly. Not everyone wants each of these. Some only want the top (double mastectomy) surgery, and that is perfectly okay. Some do not even want a single surgery, and this is still okay because it is their choice. Don’t belittle your transfriends for this, whichever reason it may be. It is their body, and their transition.

7. Bathrooms

Now I used to think it didn’t really matter who was in the stall next to me, unless they were trying to peek over, or under, the stall to catch a peak. Unfortunately not everyone in this world is the same. It can be very dangerous for transgender individuals to go to the bathroom they identify with, especially if they aren’t far enough in their transition to pass as well. There are also just some ignorant people in this world who should keep their opinions locked under key, but this is the land of the free. I actually had a former coworker ask me a very odd question. “How do you use the bathroom?” I was fairly quick to reply. I told him like any other man would use the bathroom, in private.