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I'm just going to go ahead and say it. Recognizing our own toxicity can be challenging. Sometimes we don't really have the vantage point to see, and sometimes we just keep turning our head because we don't want to. It's a huge pill to swallow, and one I have had to take without any water. We can sometimes and often let the toxicity that once slow dripped into our system, in turn, poison someone else. That's because being problematic is a virus, and if left unchecked, will destroy everything in its path. It's consuming. Again, I know. I have been there. But I know you like lists so here the top ways to recognize if you are being toxic and how to change. I mean it's not enough to just KNOW you ain't shit. You have to actually work on being an "ain't shit" type of individual.
- You got offended by that top paragraph and are now just reading this "ironically."
- Your significant other says you're acting different and you get defensive.
- When you get caught up, that's the only time you realize "you need to work on yourself." The catch is you never really do... do you?
- Your partner tried to show/tell you how the problematic things you did affect them and... YOU GOT DEFENSIVE.
- You think your partner is being too sensitive and instead of paying attention to their needs, you feel burdened and distance yourself.
- You see your friends post memes saying "Men are cheaters/liars/trash in general" and you feel the need to "explain" yourself.
- You be lyin' for no reason.
Look, I'm not trying to ruffle any feathers but at some point, you have to realize that a relationship is about growth and support. Sometimes we get irritated with each other, but how are those instances supposed to decrease if instead of addressing those behaviors, you act like they aren't happening. I know after a while it's a chicken and egg situation. You don't know if you are the root cause or if you're just reacting. At the end of the day, if you're using your past traumas as a reason to treat the person you supposedly love like shit, then you are a horrible, terrible human being. And if me saying that offends you: then you are a horrible, terrible human being. It's alright though. You don't have to be that way forever. You can change. I believe in you. But it starts with looking out how your behavior affects people and not clamming up when someone tries to point it out. Especially when that guilty/regretful/horrible feeling is coming from multiple sources. You shouldn't ALWAYS be defensive in a relationship if no one is attacking you. And if you are being defensive because someone is attacking you, know that you are not wrong for reacting and I hope you get away from the toxicity soon. You deserve someone who is going to love you. To be with someone who is going to work with you to build a relationship of trust and open communication. We're supposed to be a reflection of each other and I know for sure I love myself.