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They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.
But I say it may eventually drive a person or two into impatience, uncertainty, and frustration. This may usually stem from not seeing each other for long periods of time, but it sometimes ends up being how long they've been together... and, at one point, they're left wondering.
Wondering when the distance will close.
Wondering when they will finally settle down.
Wondering when their individual futures will intertwine into one reality.
They may even ask, "Is there a future in this sort of relationship?"
It's one thing when you're in a long distance relationship. It's another thing altogether if you've been in one for as long as I have (and being engaged, at that) with many asking how I do it or why we're not married yet.
For the latter: too many things are in the way at the moment. Let's face it, we're still trying to get our lives together while we're far apart. It's tedious, stupid, and beyond irritating. But we can only just suck it up and deal. We went through too much in our journey and the worst of it has passed. Though I know we'll still have more trials and tribulations, our bond has become strong. Unbreakable, even.
For the former: I honestly don't know. Clichéd as it is, loving him with all of my heart has driven me to stay with him for this long. With what little history and longevity we have had in our individual love lives, all sorts of things are still said.
"You're still young, you should see other people while you still can."
"What do you see in them? What makes them so special?"
"How are you two still together after all of that?"
"Don't you ever get lonely?"
"LDRs aren't real."
"LDRs don't last."
And on and on and on they go.
As of September 21st, 2017, we've been together for 4,678 days. December 1st, the anniversary, marks down 4,745 days.
13 years is far, long, and sometimes tiring. I've been chasing for so long, I have to remind myself to occasionally catch my breath. Even now, I consider it a miracle that I've not been driven into madness from this long waiting game. Perhaps I've forgotten (for the most part) impatience exists.
Or maybe I've been in denial and have been using all of my willpower to just not snap from feeling on edge lately (due to this situation and all other life aspects interconnected to it).
But hey, at least we don't have 14.81 light years between us and aren't limited to see each other once a year. Hell, at least rain won't prevent us from meeting until the next year. Poor Altair and Vega. I honestly don't know how they've done it. They were married too before their circumstances had forcibly separated them, so that must have been painful.
Still, I want to give a piece of advice to all of those in LDRs: if you're not serious enough to have a plan for the future to eventually settle down, then your relationship will not last.
As much as I want to stop running, I have to keep going. No matter how long it takes, I will reach him. Even now, I am anxious and uncertain of what the future holds. At this moment, I just want to cry or vent out my frustration because this distance is driving me crazy.
The only thing left to give me a boost, when I am close to giving up, are your words:
"Just a little more."