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A Desperation to Find "The One"

A Story About Dating

By Stephanie AshleyPublished 7 years ago 3 min read
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Photo by Wil Stewart on Unsplash

If you read my previous post, you may have noted my brief comment about being desperate to find something to love in someone in order to dissipate the loneliness that we may feel on our own.

Recently, I met a man through a couple of mutual friends. He was very kind and funny, making it easier for a brief few moments to forget the grief weighing me down. Although I was still hurting from my previous relationship I thought, Why not? What could it hurt to make a friend?

I put everything out on the table. I told him what I had just gone through and that my ex was still there, in the back of my mind. I repeatedly expressed that I was not ready for a relationship, that I was going to go at my own pace. He assured me that he understood but there was something nagging me.

Our first time alone was uncomfortable. I figured out quickly that I was not ready to introduce myself to anyone new or even consider dating for a while. I also figured out that this man had no interest in me. He may have asked me two questions on our walk; talking about himself the whole time, what he wanted in life, where he wanted to go. Babies? Oh yeah. A house? Definitely. A partner to send the rest of his days with? Top of the list.

Partner for life? Babies? I spiraled quickly.

We finally separated ways after he asked me out on a date. I will admit, I have a very difficult time saying no and I did want to give him a chance. I decided to agree and went on my way.

My stomach felt heavy, like I had done something wrong. Everything was so fresh and raw. At this point, I still had hope that there was something left for me and my ex. It felt like cheating.

I went home and texted the guy, explaining what was going on in my brain. I told him I don't think I'm ready to date but I would be willing to go out as friends. I would even split the bill with him.

He came back and said he understood completely but he felt that he would like me to get to a point where dating was okay because he really felt like we had something.

My thoughts: How?

He had known me for all of 3 days. We texted a little here and there and I knew his story but he had no idea about mine. He knew I had a good, stable job and that I was still pretty hung up on my ex. He knew what I looked like but aside from those things there was nothing else.

That's when I saw it. I recognised it as a desperation to find someone after repeated failures. He didn't feel like we had something, he wanted us to have something. He was wearing his heart on his sleeve in hopes of finding his soulmate.

He had reached that age in his life where he wanted to find "The One." He wanted to settle down and start a family. He wanted someone who seemed to be going somewhere in life. Someone who had goals.

I still have my goals, of course. I eventually want to buy a house which I'm okay doing on my own and yes, I would like to marry someday and start a family but I had just come from that situation. Planning. I thought I had already found The One. He wasn't easily forgotten.

There was no reason to be angry and I didn't want to be judgmental. He was a nice guy, but that's not what I needed in my life. I felt it in my bones and in my gut, he just wasn't the one for me.

After some back and forth, wanting to give him a chance at friendship and being met with some pressure, I eventually let him down easy, telling him the truth about the way I was feeling (leaving out the details of his obvious desperation, I'm not a savage). I told him I wish him the best of luck with his future endeavors because I really, truly did. I was met with, "Umm... ok. You too." I was expecting that of course. The sting of rejection never feels good.

Someday, he will find someone who has a lot more in common with him, there will be a beautiful connection and she will have the same goals and want the same things.

For today, it is not me.

dating
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About the Creator

Stephanie Ashley

Just a girl, sharing her stories in hopes of helping someone else not feel so alone in this big wide world.

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