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A Fresh Start

Not From This Planet

By Michelle Padilla BcharaPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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And here I am again. Writing words that I need to release. This is my very first time writing in another language that is not Spanish. I can express myself better in Spanish, but let’s give a try on something new. There’s something that my heart wants to say aloud that my brain won't let. It’s good to have a balance between your brain and your heart always. That way you can’t get hurt. You can’t let anything or anyone hurt you. But me… I’m a different person. I always say I am not from this world. I’m from another planet, but I think a planet is way too small compared to a galaxy. Let’s say that I came from another galaxy… or am I the galaxy? Where my brain and my heart work differently from other people. In this case… my brain has too many tabs open and my heart is made of sugar. As you can see, I have lots of stuff in my mind. Dreams, people, beautiful moments, places where I’ve been, and also stuff I haven’t have done yet: travel the word, become a professional, find the right person to have by my side. I also have negative thoughts that sometimes I cannot hold, but I always look beyond the negativity and look for positivity. I’ve been sick worrying about nothing, worrying for meaningless things. About my heart made of sugar? I’m way too good to people. I will always look for your good and your happiness because that makes me happy. Making someone happy is something that comes naturally from me, and I will never stop till I see a smile in their faces, but not everyone deserves it. At this point, I need to be careful to whom I’m going to open my heart, whether it’s friendship, a partner, even to your own family. You’ll never know their intentions. Someone said: love unconditionally. What is the meaning of unconditional love? True love. Exactly. True love is hard to find. Hard to get. Unconditional love is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves. Trust, support, understanding, patience… lots of patience and so much more. I want to start form zero. I desired a fresh start on this planet where no one knows who I am. A new me. A new beginning. Find the right people to have by my side. I want to give all I have, all my love, help them understand and be understood. No judgements.

Have you ever seen the movie Passengers? I want something like that… a fresh start (and someone that can wake me up of my hibernation pod 90 years before we get to the new world and just be with that person inside the ship, LOL). This is my heart yelling and craving love, craving peace. My mind as well cries for a white moment. Not thinking in anything at all or have always happy thoughts. Now I can hear the sound of the rain at this time… 1:55 AM in the morning. I might not be under it, but I can feel it falling into my body. First my hair making it wet, looking like I just showered, then the rain goes through my eyes, nose, and my lips. It strongly falls on my whole body. It’s not a simple rain. Maybe the rain means something that I can hardly explain in this moment. It can mean anything, or it can mean nothing, but my heart says it means something… My hearts says it’s time to let go of people I don’t need in my life. People that hurt me, that are no good to me. People that just judge me because I’m not what they want me to be. It’s time to let go my past, what I’ve been having a grudge against, people I have to forgive to be in peace with myself. Heal, let go of everything, connect my soul with the universe, and get the right stuff done. People let me down so many times. It won’t happen again. Let’s see how I can start my fresh start.

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